Hi! Long time no... see? Blog? Write?
How are you? I'm living in a hotel because my real house got flooded, and since a) I don't have my music gear here and b) it's strangely depressing having people randomly show up at your 'home' and to make your bed while you sit there playing XCOM 2 and try your best to pretend not to be a slob, I've decided - at least for tonight - to seek refuge in a fantasy world where I'll probably die an awful, humiliating and painful death. For fun.
Slaves of Rema! It's one of the Tin Man range of gamebooks. Going by the splash screen (cover?), it's some kind of Gladiator-themed romp through Classical Rome, but with lizards big enough for Obi-Wan to ride.
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| "Millions of voices suddenly cried out, 'Weeeee!'" |
So, I'm a dude still living at home with his elderly parents and three sisters (so, a Millennial). I'm apparently pro-slavery (okay, definitely a Trump voter), so it shouldn't come as any surprise when one day my platoon is ambushed by some slavers and made to walk a mile in slave shoes. Sad!
I'm quickly enlisted to fight in the gladiatorial arena, assigned to the Red team. Our opponents are the Blues, which I guess makes this some kind of analogy for the Bloods and Crips? I might be reading too much into this. Are Bloods and Crips still a thing? Or is it Democrips and Rebloodicans?
Gang handshakes are getting a bit odd
After easily bringing my first opponent (the 'desert-man', 'cause desert men need only hyphens, not names) to the brink of death, I do as the Emperor - sorry, the Princeps - asks, and decapitate him.
This apparently makes me sick, 'cause while I'm all for lifetimes spent in bondage and torture, a quick and painless end to the misery of eternal servitude is apparently a step too far (Rebloodicans clearly the right choice).
This act however is sufficiently despicable enough to attract the attention of a gang of other slaves - not sure if East or West Coast - who want out. I'm offered my choice of role in the elaborate escape plot. I choose to be on weapons duty, so if it all goes horribly wrong at least I'll have some way to put a cap in the ass of anyone in my way.
Not all of it goes to plan - for the others. I, on the other hand, somehow end up with a sapphire which I use to blag my way into first class on a boat home. Gangsta.
Then pirates attack, and I'm dead. Which sucks, 'cause before getting on that boat I totally bought a Monkey Skull, assuming an item so specifically useless would save me when I most needed it.
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| Kali maaaaaaaa! |
At least, it would if this was a collect-all-the-weird-shit Ian Livingstone book. But it's not.
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Anyway... I've got this app with all the Lone Wolf books on it. I never read those as a kid. Worth doing? Or is it time to run through Sorcery, the apps?
PS. Between the last entry and now, I played the Tin Man version of
The Warlock of Firetop Mountain a thousand times, so that's probably off the table...
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