Saturday 29 October 2011

#56 - Knights of Doom

No, it's not a thousand Z-grade black metal songs/bands, it's FF#56, Knights of Doom, in all its purple and turquoise glory.

The back story is set 100 years ago, a long time ago in a land far, far away called Ruddlestone, there was a king whose brother was jealous, and a bit of a dick.

Consumed by his hatred, the king's brother Belgaroth - though for the purposes of humour, I'm going to call him Anakin - turned to the dark side, worshipping the 'Dark Gods of Chaos' and generally trying to overthrow the king so he could rule the galaxy, err I mean Ruddlestone, with an iron fist.

He was defeated though, and not heard of again... until now.

A giant swirling vortex appeared in the sky, a gateway from our world to that of the spirits, allowing evil demons and ghosts and, presumably Zuul, to enter Ruddlestone.

Who they gonna call? ♫ GHOSTBUS... nope. You. Or in this case, me.

I'm a Knights Templar, somehow displaced from medieval Europe into the hilariously-named Ruddlestone, and despite a SKILL of 9, I'm somehow considered one of the best around. I have mean skills in Arcane Lore, Commune, Battle Tactics and Tracking, and a magic sword.

The fact that even with a magic sword my SKILL is only 9 kind of worries me, to be honest. I'm really the best the king has?

I'm not even on my way before a ghost demon thing appears on a horse, and tries to kill the king. I fight him off and kill him - with no help from anyone else in the room, the lazy bastards.

After dispatching the ghost, I get some weapons from the armory, jump on my horse 'Firemane' (isn't that now a nickname for Lindsay Lohan?) and make for the town of Wendeform.

On the way there, I'm accosted by an angry mob wielding pitchforks and torches, as if they're off to lynch a black man or something. They're led by a dude with a skull for a face in a black robe and carrying a scythe - Death, is that you? Leading a half-assed lynch mob, really? There's also a leper and Kate Moss ("... a gaunt woman, her almost skeletal body covered by a tattered cloak. It looks like she has not eaten for weeks." Actually, that could be Amy Winehouse, considering her company.)

They surround me, bitching about how everyone is poor and struggling, whilst us Knight Templars swan about in relative luxury - yep, I'm the 1 percent! I convince them I'm on their side, perhaps leaving out the fact I'm actually working for the king - the 0.0001 percent.

They buy it, and let me on my way. Heh, dumbass peasants.

Time to rest! But I wake up in the night, sensing "all is not well". How the book knows of my real-life insomnia escapes me.

It sure isn't well - there's a disembodied hand carrying a dagger trying to stab me! (This is where real life and the book part ways, don't worry.) I jump on my horse and ride away as fast as I can - there's only so fast a ghost hand can go, apparently.

(Quick aside - there's a fantastic new anti-drink driving advert on TV here in NZ that's gone viral online, largely thanks the to the immortal line, 'You know I can't grab your ghost chips.' Check it out here. Seriously, do. If when you think of NZ you imagine volcanoes, hobbits and rugby, this will put things right.)

The next morning I arrive in Wendeford, pay no heed to the time of day and hit the 'Bristling Bear' bar. The barlady tells me there's this crazy wizard dude Herluin who lives in the forest, so I trek off to meet him.

He's dead, but in his dying struggle he conveniently left a few books out I figure could help me in my quest. One's described as a 'bestiary', and the text only describes one entry - the cockatrice, a cockerel/snake/bat crossbreed thing that sounds perfect for a dark and gritty reboot of The Wuzzles. I wonder if there'll be one later in the adventure, hmmm? No really, I didn't make it that far, so I can only assume. It's not like the book was open to 'evil demon'.

The other book contains a spell for summoning an evil demon, but I don't know this until I've read it out loud, duh.

I hit the undo button, but it knocks the book out of my hand before I'm done, so a fight it is and I'm out of here.

On the way to Havalok, I'm accosted by a band of murderers - I'm not sure how I know they're murderers, since they've not yet murdered me. Is an apprentice, first-time would-be murderer still a murderer? Ironically I dispatch them all - putting an arrow in the back of the one who fled - and pinch the whopping three gold pieces they're carrying between them, which is strangely exactly how many I need to spend at the 'Red Herring' Inn that night in Havalok. Suspicious...

The next day I figure I should put that 'Battle Tactics' skill to good use, and decide to hire some mercenaries. They won't join unless I can defeat their leader in battle, and for someone who's allegedly the king's best soldier, I put in a piss-poor effort. Couldn't even hit their guy once! He's not even wearing a top and I can't get in a scratch.

In fact, I'm so lame at fighting, later that day I'm killed by a group of street performers dressed in a dragon costume.

Most embarrassing. Fighting Fantasy Death. EVER.

The king's #1 dude, entrusted with saving the land of Ruddlestone, killed by goddamn mimes. Or whatever you call a bunch of hippies dressed in a homemade dragon costume made of toilet rolls and crepe paper.

'Mimes of Doom' wouldn't have made a very good book title, though. Or would it...

28 comments:

thekelvingreen said...

I'm sorry the mimes killed you, but at least you can now have ghost chips.

zhu bajiee said...

I've just been internalising this awkward situation in my head, perhaps you shouldn't fight the mime-dragon costume mate? Oh...

Dan said...

Monique will think I'm a dick after all this.

Dorispinto1001 said...

Magical spells really work!! I never thought there were still honest, genuine, trustworthy and very powerful spell casters until i met the spiritual helper, MERUJA OWO. last week he did a love spell for me and it worked effectively and now he just casted another healing spell for my friend who has fibroid and family problem and now she is totally free and she is presently the happiest person on earth, she keeps thanking me all day..
I just thought it would be good to tell the whole world about his good work and how genuine he is, i wasn't thinking i could get any help because of my past experiences with other fake casters who could not bring my husband back to me and they all promised heaven and earth and all they are able to do is ask for more money all the time until i met with this man. he does all spells, Love spells, money spells, lottery spells e.t.c i wish i can save every one who is in those casters trap right now because i went though hell thinking and hoping they could help me.i recommend MERUJA OWO for any kind of help you want.
his email address is: nativedoctor101@live.com
if you want to ask me anything my e-mail is: dorispinto1001@gmail.com
Kind Regards!

susan said...

nativedoctor101@live.com MERUJA OWO... NIGERIAN SCAM ARTIST,,,BEWARE,,, USER
Doris or
goes by jannet ( post on this forum) is a scam artist who advertises
for this
nigerian scam artist NATIVEDOCTOR101@LIVE.COM.. .. Meruja owo
scammed me for
650$ canadian dollars. HE IS A SCAM ARTIST FROM NIGERIA. MERUJA
OWO will ask you
to send him money western union and than he will haggle you for
more and more
money and he is fake with no results. HE IS A SCAM BEWARE,, HE IS
BEING
INVESTIGATED FOR FRAUD AND WILL BE GOING TO JAIL. DO NOT USE THIS MAN BC
HE WILL
STEAL YOU MONEY!

Anonymous said...


Love Witch. My love relationship with my husband has improved. Just seven day i contacted you I order your spell. At first I don’t believe it but the result speaks for itself. I would recommend my friends to seek for your spell. his email adderrs is churchofproblemsolvedchurch@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...


my name is rose
My ex-boyfriend dumped me one weeks ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so confuse and don't know what to do, so I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimony of how a spell caster help people to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 48hours that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my ex came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married. Once again thank you dr.kokotemple. You are truly talented and gifted. Email: dr.kokotemple@gmail.com is the only answer. He can be of great help and I will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man

Anonymous said...


This is my testimony, I was living in the darkness and I couldn’t move forward or gain anything in life such as friends, money, promotion, & especially love.now i have evertin buy my said wow thank
to this man how did it for me dr,suzu his email is homeofhelpingsolution@yahoo.com
once again thanks
favour brown

Anonymous said...



miss temerra
'My mouth is full of testimonies, Am miss temerra E my husband left the home for six month to uk for a tourist, where he meant this prostitute and he was bewitch by the girl my husband refuse to come back home again, i cry day and night looking for who to help me, i read a news paper about a powerful spell caster called Dr.rivers i contacted the spell caster to help me get my lover back to me and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods we fight for me.. he told me by mid-night when all the spirit is at rest he will cast a spell to reunite my lover back to me. and he did in less than 4 days my husband came back to me and started crying that i should for forgive him, i,m so happy for what this spell caster did for me and my husband.. Dr rivers you can as well contact him fo help now email him at dr.rivershebalisthome@gmail.com

alex said...

Hello Am ALEX from the united state i am a medical Doctor and am always busy,But my love Kate could not cope and she decided to ask for a divorce i really loved and cherish Kate and was ready to do anything to make her happy when Kate told me that she need a divorce i was thinking may be she was joking then i got a mail from my lawyer saying that Kate has other for a divorce and we need to be in court Next Monday i was like no this will never happen i got home did not meet Kate at home she has packed all her belonging,i was so frustrated and down could not even concentrate on my work.As i was going through a magazine looking through the Picture at the back of it saw a testimony and the Heading was I WANT TO THANK Dr Odia FOR MAKING MY LOVER CANCEL THE DIVORCE.i sat upright and read the testimony and saw how Dr Odia helped a lady in bring back her relationship without wasting much of time i instantly contacted Dr Odia and shared my problem with him but he told me not to worry that he assures me that my love would cancel the divorce within 24 hours really my lover did so.As i got home so Kate with all her belongings outside pleading that i should forgive her which i did am so happy now the Divorce has been cancelled and Kate is back home and she loves me more than anything in this world,All thanks to Dr Odia you don't need to cry anymore Dr Odia has been sent by God to clean out tears you can contact Dr Odia on nelly.mbayabu02@gmail.com

maria said...

Have just experience the wonders of Dr Odia that have been spread on internet and worldwide, How he marvelously helped people all over world to restored back their marriage and get back lost lovers, and also helping people get job and money spell. it was Tuesday when i contacted him after going through his testimonies from different countries, i told him about my husband that abandoned me about 8months ago, and left home with all i had..Dr Odia only told me to smile 3 times and have a rest of mind he will handle all in just 48hrs, he requested for my picture and his, and also told me to get some items which i did send all he need to him, After the second day Anthony called me, i was just so shocked, i pick the call and couldnt believe my ears, he was really begging me to forgive him and making promises on phone..He came home and i let him in and also took me to his bank and change all his details to mine and also got me a new car just for him to proof his love for me. i was so happy and called Dr Odia and thanked him, he only told me to share the good news all over the world ..Well if your need an effective and real spell caster for any problem in your life you can contact Dr Odia : nelly.mbayabu02@gmail.com

Anonymous said...

Am now happy happy and happy, my name is Pamela from Canada I believe Dr Maleke now, After so many comments on how Dr dodo helped alot of people got back their Ex, Jobs and properties, i contacted him and tell my story of how a lady broke my relationship, Been married for 8yrs and with 3kids, suddenly my Husband moved out and told me never to contact him again, i was so heart broken, depressed and sad, after all the story, Dr dodo told me to put my mind at rest and told me that all my problems will be solved within 2days , i was still hoping until Dr Maleke called me again for my husbands picture and told me, i will have to get some items and i did all he asked me, on Sunday morning David came home by himself and knelt down to beg me, weeping bitterly and asked for forgiveness, i did forgive him and i told DrDr Maleke about everything and he said all he wants from me is to share the good news with the world so people out there , here is a prove that real casters are still online, for any kind of problems that need solutions, contact Dr Maleke : lovespellsolutionhome@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

Hello I am Kate Moore ,I am out here to spreed this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex love back.I was going crazy when my love left me for another girl last month, But when i meet a friend that introduce me to Dr Maleke the great messenger to the oracle that he serve,I narrated my problem to Dr Maleke about how my ex love left me and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,In the next 2 days,My love called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my love called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact Dr Maleke at the following email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on lovespellsolutionhome@yahoo.com and get your problems solve like me.

Anonymous said...

My name is Nancy,I have been through hell and pain,looking for a good and real spell caster who can help me get my boyfriend back.I have been scammed so many times,by some who claimed to be real spell casters.until i found the real and great spell caster (Dr Maleke ) who helped me,and solved all my problems concerning my boyfriend who left me since eight months ago.and after that i also took my friend along,who was also having the same problem concerning her husband,who left her since five months ago,and the problem was also solved by the same Dr Maleke Cant you see! the real and great spell caster is here,all you need to do now is to contact him when ever you are in any problem related to spell casting. It took me a very long period of time,before i could get this real and great spell caster.So right now is here,and the best for you to solve your problems all thanks goes to lovespellsolutionhome@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

Please beware of some spell casters on this site,they are nothing but thieves and scam,i lost more than 6000 USD on them and nothing work out for me,i found a woman 2 weeks ago and she is a real caster,i cast a love spell from her for cheap price and it really work for me,if you wish to know more about the casters you can contact he on nelly.mbayabu02@gmail.com , pls beware all the scams around,all they want is your money.

Thomas said...

Wow. I love the Fighting Dantasy blog, and the comments can be almost as much fun as the brilliant posts.

Still, this is the *best* comments thread ever.

dr ohhen said...

Are you suffering from any of the following problem ?

1- Make/Fall in Love with any Desired Girl / Boy
2- Attract - Control any Desired Girl / Boy
3- Make Parents agree for Love Marriage / InterCaste Marriage
4- Make Your Lover Agree For Marriage with You
5 -Get Your ex Boyfriend / Girlfriend Back by uduere
6-Control - Attract your Boss / teachers towards You
7- Make anyone agree to your decision by uduere doo
8-Get Your ex Girlfriend Back by uduere from new Boyfriend
9- uduere doo to Control In Laws's minds
10- Stop your husband's affair with another lady
11- Find out if your husband / boyfriend cheating with you
12- attract your husband towards you with royalty
13-There is no Love between Husband - wife ??
14-Your Husband / Wife is having an affair with some other ??
15-Husband / Wife is not loving you now as before ??
16-Husband / Wife is not giving you RESPECT ??
17-Lack of trust or understanding between husband wife ??
18-You want to Divorce ?? Or Want to Prevent Divorce ??
19-Your Husband Does not listen to you ??
20-Husband is not responsible or caring ?
21-Husband / Wife not giving you space for yourself ?
22-Mother in law teaching your husband negative lessons about you ?
23-Your Wife / husband is cheating on you ?
24-Husband Drinks So much, and Come home late night ?
25-Husband Beats you without any reason ?
26- Your Husband / Wife is attracting towards his / her EX partner ?
there is no problem without solution this is the end of your problem,
you can contact me via email add;lordaggumamagicspell@gmail.com

Lee marie said...

My name is Andre's ,Am from Spain i live in USA,i never believe there will ever be a solution to my relationship problem with my lover. my lover called Randy West threw me out of his house and brought in another lady who he now feels the only best for him. until one day i receive a phone call from a friend in the city that my man is going out on a date with another woman in town, i told her i am also surprise too, because since Randy West has left me he hardly think nor call me. so after some few days my friend called Alice called me and told me that she has found a man that is very powerful, and he is a great herbalist from Africa, truly we all knows that Africans are blessed with so much herbal powers which they use to help much people, so he told me that the man name is Dr Erigo that she will forward his email address for me so that i can contact him for help, so truly she sent me Dr Erigo email address and i contacted him that faithful day. he mailed me after a while that my man will be back to me if only i believe on his work,so after 48hours i receive a phone call from Randy West, and he started begging that i should please forgive him against all he had done to me.. he begged me of breaking my heart and letting the other lady a new heart. he promise me never to let go. now i and Randy West are now planning to get married as soon as possible. we are brought back with the great powerful love spell and blinded with Dr Erigo spell, we are happy and glad. contact Dr Erigo on this Email address Erigospellcaster@gmail.com for solution to your any kind of problem you have.

Lee marie said...

My name is Andre's ,Am from Spain i live in USA,i never believe there will ever be a solution to my relationship problem with my lover. my lover called Randy West threw me out of his house and brought in another lady who he now feels the only best for him. until one day i receive a phone call from a friend in the city that my man is going out on a date with another woman in town, i told her i am also surprise too, because since Randy West has left me he hardly think nor call me. so after some few days my friend called Alice called me and told me that she has found a man that is very powerful, and he is a great herbalist from Africa, truly we all knows that Africans are blessed with so much herbal powers which they use to help much people, so he told me that the man name is Dr Erigo that she will forward his email address for me so that i can contact him for help, so truly she sent me Dr Erigo email address and i contacted him that faithful day. he mailed me after a while that my man will be back to me if only i believe on his work,so after 48hours i receive a phone call from Randy West, and he started begging that i should please forgive him against all he had done to me.. he begged me of breaking my heart and letting the other lady a new heart. he promise me never to let go. now i and Randy West are now planning to get married as soon as possible. we are brought back with the great powerful love spell and blinded with Dr Erigo spell, we are happy and glad. contact Dr Erigo on this Email address Erigospellcaster@gmail.com for solution to your any kind of problem you have.

Unknown said...

my name is pascal from New zealand, am here to share this testimony on how me and my wife was able to be come parents. we tried for so many years to become parents but there was no success of child bearing. We went to different hospitals but they keep saying the same thing that i was the problem and my wife was perfectly okay. One day i decided to try traditional and spiritual help, i contacted a man who i came across on the internet called [DR ODOGUN] of solutioncenter1121@outlook.com i ask him for help and he told me that i was the cause of my wife inability to bear a child. I became more confuse and worried and at this time my wife was making moves for a divorce. I told the man everything and he decided to help me, he told me he is going to help me by either casting a spell or given me traditional medicine to drink, that i should decide on which one to take. At the end of the day i choose the spell casting because i wanted my wife to see it as a miracle because she was a strong christian. I did all he ask me to do and i got all the results i needed without my wife knowing and today am a father. Thanks to DR ODOGUN i will forever be grateful sir.

Lee marie said...

My name is Mrs jennet from Chicago am 25 years old i got married at the age of 23 i have only one child and i was living happily .After one year of my marriage my husband behavior became so strange and i don’t really understand what was going on, he packed out of the house to another woman i love him so much that i never dream’s of losing him, i try my possible best to make sure that my husband get back to me but all to no avail, i cry and cry seeking for help, i discussed it with my best friend Allix and she promise to help me. She told me of a man called DR Erigo, she told me he is a very great man and a real man that can be trusted and there is nothing concerning love issues he cannot solve and she told me how he has help countless number of people in restoring their relationship. I was really convince, I quickly contacted his email address at Erigospellcaster@gmail.com . I explain all my problem to him, he told me that i should not worry that all my problems will be solved immediately. He told me what to do to get my husband back and i did, he said after 3days my husband will come back to me and start begging, and it really happen as he said, i was very surprise, this is so amazing. To God be the glory our relationship is now very tight and we both live happily again. If you having similar problem, Contact him now(Erigospellcaster@gmail.com) and get your problem solve once and for all. i am a living testimony to it. 1) If you want your ex back. (2) if you always have bad dreams. (3) You want to be promoted in your office. (4) You want women/men to run after you. (5) If you want a child. (6) You want to be rich. (7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever. (8) If you need financial assistance. (9) How you been scammed and you want to recover you lost money. (10)if you want to stop your divorce. (11)if you want to divorce your husband. (12)if you want your wishes to be granted. once again the email address is Erigospellcaster@gmail.com contact him immediately.

Wilson Schlame said...

My name is Mungo from Allansia and I didn't belive in magic spells until I heard of Zagor the warlock. I emailed him at zagor@notascam.com and he was able to make me all the golden dragons teeth, annoyingly long mazes and laughing portraits I ever desired.
1) If adventurers keep stealing your stuff.
2) If you really don't want anybody to ever get your treasure.
3) If your Y shaped stick keeps breaking.
Email Zagor the warlock (zagor@notascam.com) with your credit card details or give them to him in person at Firetop Mountain for some real, actual, genuine, not fake dark sorcery!

Jasmine Kapa said...


Hello,everyone i want to thank Dr mustafa for what he did for me,few years ago my husband left me and 3kids,so my friend told me that there is a great spell caster called Dr mustafa who can bring back my ex husband back within 48hour,and i contacted this great man called Dr mustafa and he told me what i will do for he to bring back my husband and i did what he said and my husband came back to me and my kids. if you need a help contact this powerful spell caster on is dr.mustafa86@yahoo.com.

He specialized in the following below:

1. Getting your lover or husband back
2. Spiritual bulletproof
3. Lottery Spell
4. Money spell
5. Long life spell
6. Prosperity spell
7. Protection spell
8. Get a job spell
9. Becoming a manager spell
10. Get a huge loan without paying any fee spell
11. Getting your scam money back
12. Child spell
13. Pregnancy spell
14. Freedom spell
15. Love spell
16, vanishing spell
17. Invisible human spell
18. Success or pass spell
19. Marriage spell
20. Avenging spell
21. Popularity spell
22. Killing spell
23. Cancer spell
24. Supernatural power spell
25. Madness spell
26. Free house loan spell
27. Production spell of films and movie
28. Hiv/Aids Cure spell
29. Tuberculosis spell
30. Loose weight and body spell

Contact him now via: dr.mustafa86@yahoo.com

rita said...



I want to testify of what a spell caster did for me and my
hubby.we have been married since 2007 without a sign of pregnancy.I
went off birth control then and did not have a period.my gyro gave me
progesterone to jump-start a period and it did.,but i did not have
another one.we did another round of progesterone followed by 100mg
clomid for 5 months,we followed all doctors instructions but all to no
avail.I have been buying ovulation kits pregnancy test AND i finally
got 3 test when i was ovulating! So ever since that we been trying for
years now! Well i was very confused because i keep taking ept test AND
they all keep turning out to b negative! I really want a baby girl
while my hubby want a baby boy LOLL! I think maybe we are just trying
So hard, What i can tell you is that its been so many years now and i
still yet do not have my period??nobody to help because every body
around us was already at the verge of losing their faith on us.no were
to run to until one faithful day i was reading a magazine and i
stumble on a page were i found topic or a head line {A SPELL CASTER}
who can heal someone from HIV AND AIDS,bring back your EX,enlarge your
BREAST,help you win a VISA LOTTERY,losing your WEIGHT and even get six
PACKS AND flatten your BELLY,I gave him a try and before i could no it
papa ODUMA rescued me from my problem by casting a spell for me and
told me to go and make love with my hubby,then i did,and after nine
months i delivered a twins A BOY AND A GIRL. after all this , i said
to my self that i wont just testify on line, but make the whole world
see and hear of him.This spell caster name is DR ODUMA so many people
have witness his wonderful work..He is nice, contact him on
odumaspelltemple0@gmail.com or +447035969024 if you are in any
predicament email him immediately without doubts•Thanks so very much!!
FROM MRS RIHANA…




Anonymous said...


Hello friends! My Name is Mariettal from Australia i have had a lot about Dr Zack Balo on his good work, for bringing back lost relationship but i never believe because so many spell caster scammed me because of my husband who left me over 2years and five months. so a good friend of mine introduce me to Dr Zack Balo just because my condition was so bad and the responsibility in my matrimonial home was more than me. my husband left me to another woman without giving me a good reason why he left. so i email him on his address wiseindividualspell@gmail.com and told him everything, he told me not to worry that my husband will come back to me. he only told me to believe on him that after casting the spell my husband will come back immediately and beg for forgiveness. he real did it for me and my husband come back to me in the next three days. i was very happy and thankful to Dr Zack Balo for helping me restore my marriage here is his email address wiseindividualspell@gmail.com for you to contact him today and get your own help.

Unknown said...

I know there’s so much more to love about this awesome blog than this bizarre comment thread, but really these comments are still showing up in Jan 2020. Presumably they somehow pick up references to magic in the blog post?

PrismPuppy said...

Awesome. :)

Cashiom McAllister said...

Sounds like this comment thread turned out to be the latest gathering of the L.L. club at the Slurp 'n' Burp on Friday night, hosted by Lazy Eddie and his sidekick Biffo the Magic Ear.

I'm out.