#37 - Portal Of Evil

I never really thought of Stegosauruses (Stegosauri?) as 'evil', but whichever deity it was that saw fit to give my character the journey he experienced tonight certainly is. 

I was a big fan of dinosaurs long before I heard of Fighting Fantasy; that combined with perhaps the shortest set of rules in a FF gamebook since it began and an intriguing concept (a portal? of evil?) meant I was looking forward a good, classic adventure.

So I wander towards Kleinkastel, a small (presumably German) town near the forest which contains the titular portal of alleged evil. On arrival, without coinage I'm forced to sleep in doorway. So far, so suck, but it was to get worse.

A man and a lizard-bird-dinosaur thing woke me up, demanding I hand over my shit. Figuring this was perhaps one of those backward, counterintuitive decisions where fighting him gets me killed and handing over my weapon gets me a better one back, somehow, I gave in to their demands. With unspectacular skill and stamina rolls, I decided any fights I could avoid would be a good idea.

Nope. Bastard just took my shit and left. D'oh.

In the morning I went begging for food, as I had none and no money, still.

Anyway, once fed I decided to enter a competition in order to win the backing of a big-money benefactor - heperhaps  could give me a sword, at the least. Unfortunately after doing pretty well, one of the challenges was the I Survived a Japanese Game Show or American Gladiators-esque round where we were hung with rope by our ankles, trying to cut each other down. But um, I didn't have a sword, and I doubt even with a -4 skill penalty, I had no chance of cutting down my opponents with my bare hands. 

Anyway, before heading into the forest alone, I had the chance to buy a sword - for 5GP. I had no money!!! Aaragarhhghgh.

I wasn't killed by the first creature I came across in the forest - a Struthiomimus -but the second, a zombie - 'cause I didn't have an official Shaun of the Dead Ring of Taking a Cricket Bat to Zombies, or something. 

Strewth. What a terrible run.

#36 - Armies of Death

At first I thought, what, another far-off growing threat I have to extinguish? But Armies of Death is a bit different than the previous... however many it is I've had to do in the past couple of months! 

First of all, you get your own army this time around, which I thought was going to be awesome, but I never really got to use them. I might have rolled 7/17/7, but a series of lucky rolls meant my army spent pretty much their entire time hanging around just making me feel cool.

I started by hiring a ship to make my way to Zengis, but only because it was called the Flying Toucan. Normally taking a boat in FF books is a fast-track to drowning, being attacked by pirates and getting lost, or all three, and especially so with over 200 men... but the Flying Toucan? I had to.

Good choice too - as I hinted at before, my dice were stuck on rolling low, and we were soon in Zengis with barely an eyelid battered. If mercenaries bat eyelids. There was the small issue of being attacked by pirates (one out of three ain't bad), but they soon backed off when they saw I had over 200 men (I'm going to keep saying that, as it's not often you've got over 200 men at your command in a FF book).

On arrival in Zengis, the book made my character wander around alone for some reason - this is where a modern computer-based RPG would detect I'd rolled seven for my skill, and let me take over 200 men with me as bodyguards (okay, I'm going to give up on the 'over 200 men' thing, as it's beginning to sound a bit fruity, and I don't think medieval mercenary armies were ready for gay commanders in chief, batting eyelids or not). I found a gold ring with the number 45 inscribed on it, and immediately knew it would come in handy - not because it's gold, or that a burly dude with an axe claimed it was his, but 'cause it had a number on it. Numbered rings were all the rage in 1988 Allansia.

So this guy wanted it back, not that it would fit his fat fingers, each of which probably contained a higher skill rating than I, so I ran. My luck might have been down to about four by this stage, but still, I got away with it and ran into a bar where my luck continued, a bunch of 'vagabonds' telling me where to find the lead bad dude.

Wandering on alone, cause obviously Zengis is safe, I wandered into a pet store and bought a creature that sounded suspiciously useful - a kangaroo that could sit on my shoulder and turn us invisible. Now, I've often read elsewhere how many of Ian Livingstone's books can be glorified item hunts, but come on... how specific a situation would require a magic kangaroo? For sake of suspension of disbelief and immersion, I'm kind of glad I didn't last long enough to find out.

So onto that death - I'd just won a pie-eating contest, and survived an assassination attempt (perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to stand on the table after eating that much pie - if anything, the failed assassination attempt just stopped me from falling off the table and dying much more embarrassingly) when I came across some barrels outside, bound to contain an item I'd need 50 paragraphs later, no doubt. Instead I came across a leprechaun, who wouldn't bugger off, so I went to attack him. Now instead of being protected by the yeti tooth the captain of the Flying Toucan had given me earlier, as he said I would be, the leprechaun used his magic to glue me in place. I lost two luck points, placing me on one, I tested my luck and what do you know, you can't roll one or lower with two dice... and a sewer goblin came along and killed me. 

Stupid yeti tooth. 

So um, I was enjoying Armies of Death, actually. It seemed to have a mix of things - sailing, barroom antics, wandering streets, an apparent distant army waiting to be vanquished... I wish I'd gotten further, but also fear I would've ended up frustrated I was missing a single item essential for progress, or something. I'd also have liked to have a mass battle at some point - even if the battle system was simplistic and random. 

Speaking of random, when the Flying Toucan came ashore, the captain coughed and took a while to recover. I really did think ooh, a foreshadowing of some kind of disease that will run through my army, decimating it and putting pressure on the need for more troops later on... but no. Weird.

The book moved quick, sometimes a little too much so, but on the whole was better for it. 

But does anyone else think Ian Livingstone's face on the back cover is a deeper red than the back cover itself?

#35 - Daggers of Darkness

At first Daggers of Darkness sounds awfully familiar - an enemy is ammassing an army, you're society's only hope, etc etc. But there are several differences here, largely in the gameplay - poison is spreading through your body, and instead of just killing the top bad dude, you've also got to ascend to the throne in his place.

With other extra bits and pieces, like collecting powerful medallions in some bizarre and inefficient ascension ritual, semi-magical powers and several passages of rolling dice and suffering at random, it's an interesting set up that works in some places but seems annoying in others.

I rolled 10/17/10, so took the Potion of Stamina and set off left. I sson discovered that after pretty much every fight, the poison would spread further - no matter how many times I was cut and bled some of it out! The adventure sheet supplies you with a body chart so you can track where it goes, but it doesn't seem to matter just what parts of your body are infected. I ended the book with a clear head and right leg, but the rest of me was riddled with it. 

Anyway, on my way I crashed at a beggar's place, waking up to an assassin. I had the option to roll out of the way of his dagger, or stop it with my hands. Err, I chose the former. Perhaps if these assassins didn't insist on using the shortest blades possible, they'd actually stab someone properly. 

Wandering further, I chose again to take the left path, this time because it was advertised with a picture of a horse and I could totally do with a horse right about now, I thought. Someone did eventually give me a horse, but only after tying me to the ground and letting it kick the shit out me first. Apparently it was a test, but it's not as if my skills or luck had anything to do with it - then again, I was tied to the ground.

Eventually I came to the maze of Bogomil, and entered, knowing one of the magic medallions would be in there. Don't make me explain the reasoning behind collecting medallions, just know they're important! The beggar told me which path to take through the maze, god only knows how he knew, but his directions got me through, medallion in tow. It was sitting on a trap, Indiana Jones-style, and I knew it'd need the weight of ten gold pieces to balance it - unfortunately I'd spent my money getting the directions here, ironically enough.

So I grabbed it, suffered through the volley of arrows, and kept on. The maze was pretty much the only part of this book I didn't choose to go left at every opportunity.

On exiting the maze, my good wizard friend sent me a message that all the medallions had been found, already, so I'd better head to Sharabbass and meet the evil dude. 

Okay, I'm not really focussing enough on why this book was frustrating. So many times where other books would have tested my skill or luck, I was instead asked to roll a die so many times, then so many times again, and compare the numbers - if any matched, something would happen - usually losses of skill and stamina points, or even death. But to be honest, it was never that scary, because the author played pretty loose and fast with losing and gaining stamina all the way through Daggers of Darkness - at one point, a waft of fresh air replenished me three stamina points. Goddamn! Throwing a ball on a chain into a hole cost me a stamina point each time; to think, I could have been killed attempting the hammer throw. 

So wandering on, I came across another contestant for the throne who conveniently died and left me another medallion (thankyou left path, again!). Going left again, an elf helped me slip past some orcs and a necromancer into Sharabbass (how bad a necromancer do you have to be in order to end up on orc duty?), where I went left and eventually found myself on the Street of Forty Guilds.

Now, as this is a 400-page book, not a 4000, only four of the tradesmen's shops were open. The first I went into just happened to be that of the very dude I needed to find - he loaded me up on mystery potions, then led me to the final mazey-kind of thing. I'm being vague, cause it was a little anticlimactic, to say the least!

I wandered through the final section, didn't even use my power of 'Great Wisdom' like was hinted at in the text, found the bad guy sitting on a bed, he told me to go fight his daughter, but instead I just wandered on up to the throne and sat on it. Err, and won!

By far the easiest FF gamebook so far, as long as the random dice rolling doesn't kill you. There wasn't much that seemed to threaten instant death; and as at every opportunity I had, I went left, it didn't seem to matter which way you went - in fact, I got two medallions, which apparently is about the most you can get anyway, and there are only three mazes anyway (whilst there are apparently seven medallions).

A wasted opportunity, even if the original premise sounds cliched - there was enough different in the set up to make Daggers of Darkness a classic, but it falls short for just being so easy. So many times it seemed I was going to be missing a vital piece of information - the number of times I was offered some for an amount of money I couldn't afford - but it didn't matter. Nothing seemed to matter in the end - as long as I got there, it was a cakewalk.

Hell, the medallions even let you come back to life and pretend you'd won the last fight no less than three times... each. In a world where even air can give you three stamina points, what was the point?

#34 - Stealer of Souls

So there's no more sci-fi in FF from here on in apparently, and with Stealer of Souls deliberately or not it seemed Jackson and Livingstone were determined to get the series back to basics.

In SoS, you're an adventurer tapped to undertake a mission to rescue a good wizard who has been captured by an evil wizard and imprisoned on an island where no one's magic works but his (hence why they're sending a grunt such as yourself instead of another wizard). The adventure sheet is basic, you're given the basic leather armour, sword, lantern and 10 provisions and sent on your way, simple as that really. 

So far, so awesome. The cover art's good, the writing is descriptive, the story's simple and launches you right in. Unfortunately, this is where it all goes a bit wrong for SoS - at least on the path I took. For too long, it's just too basic, random and dare I say it, boring.

After arriving at the Isle of Despair (just east of the Island of Scars, what a welcoming place) I somewhat randomly chose to head due west, and hack'n'slash my way as best possible. I've got good stats (11/19/10), and this seems a back-to-basics, so yeah. I've already dispatched a giant bird, a giant crab and a plain ol' giant this far without much trouble, so why not? The giant's cave supplied me with some preserved and (I assume) dried fish, which bizarrely went off later when it got wet. Come on, it's fish, and it's dried... 

Further on down the western road I have the choice of continuing west, or going north down a path marked by a skull on a pike, or south to where there's a stick covered in bloodied bird feathers. Ah, west. Hack'n'slash. No detours.

Eventually, after a few more fights, I came across a small house, killed the dark elf present, then had no choice but to sleep the night. I say no choice, as there was no option given by the book - an all too common feature for much of the book. It was annoying, cause given the option, I would not have stayed there - but then again, the trapdoor (which apparently didn't bother me too much the previous evening) in the morning led me to the Iron Crypts where the good wizard was apparently being held. How convenient. 

The Iron Crypt itself I found largely to be a random wander where pretty much walking as west as possible seemed to have just as much success as it did on land. It's as if the author, in his first FF book, wanted to keep everything as simple as possible, and just made the easiest way to complete it going west at all opportunities. 

Hack'n'slash became hack'n'slash'n'bend after my western journey was interrupted by a set of iron bars. Oddly enough, later in the book not once but twice my character (it's surely not 'me' when the book gives me my decisions so blatantly gives up on doors upon realising he's not in posession of the right key. Or any key. Wow, I made it through an entire dungeon without any keys. But the point is, if I can bend iron bars, I can knock down wooden doors. Right? So.

Once again just going west (or random, if west wasn't an option) did me good, getting me to the good wizard, whom after teaching me three spells (and only three - he even knew in advance how long it would take me teach each one and how much time he had) teleported himself back home. Err, what? I know he was chained up and all, but come on - it's not as if he had to wave his wands around now, was it? Or can't he cast spells with people looking? I was a bit miffed, having had to fight off a multitude of creatures with one hand while covering my yawning mouth with the other to get this far.

So I wandered on up to the evil wizard, and despite not having ANY of the special items the text called for, or any spells left, I was able to get up close and personal with him and hack him to pieces, saving the world and bringing my FF score to seven from 34.

Well, writing the ending that way is a bit harsh on the book - the third act (following wandering west across the island and then west across the dungeon) is pretty damn good. You're stuck in the evil wizard's empire of illusion, and instead of going west you have to choose from coloured passageways - the enemies are inventive, the basic spell system cleverly implemented and there are even subtle clues as to what obstacles are ahead depending on the path taken. Maybe it's just in comparison to the preceding hour of adventure, but it really shines and meant when I did reach, and subsequently beat the evil wizard, it felt good, rather than a relief it was all over. 

But no matter how well the book ends, nothing can excuse this bizarre sentence on paragraph 96: "The rich smell of spices, the glitter of silks and other treasures do not tempt you, for you cannot carry these items." Huh?! In an adventure where on three separate occasions I lost stamina due to the smell, I'm pretty sure I'd be finding a way to carry spices, for jebus' sake! If I can bend iron bars, I can carry spices. And if I can wear a silk glove, I can carry silks. 

That, and the forced nature of the first two thirds of the book mean Stealer of Souls ain't no classic, but far from a disaster thanks to the cool third act. And propsto the author for not making it full of instant deaths! I'm not sure which of the future books are his, but apparently they're vast improvements. Looking forward to them. 

7/34!

#33 - Sky Lord

Sky Lord is the last science-fiction FF gamebook, and it's not difficult to understand why - it's pretty dang strange, and perhaps takes a few too many liberties with what a FF adventure is supposed to be.

It doesn't start out too badly though - despite a lengthy introduction/mission section, which I normally hate - the back story as at least interesting. Maybe because it begins as a cross between Star Wars (must infiltrate planet alone, destroy defences fro the inside, making possible full-scale attack) and Babylon 5 (huge races fighting, taking everyone else out in their wake), then goes off on an awesomely random tangent. An ex-human resources employee of the galactic king was caught cloning the staff in order to collect their paycheques, and was inevitably caught and fired. He then decided to get revenge by pretending to be a famous cosmetic surgeon, offering his services to the king's wife for free. She accepted, and he basically butchered her so she looked like the cat woman, and went into hiding, where he (also inevitably) began building an army of vicious killer dog-headed super warriors.

Err, what? Okay... 

So I head off on my journey to his planet, but first completely fail by choosing the wrong method of interstellar travel. I can 'time travel' or 'light travel', I choose time, and apparently enter 'the fourth dimension'. Which I thought we were already in, to be honest. My ship somehow gets covered in space weed, which I have to get out and fight off...? I think perhaps the author was battling some space weed of his own when he wrote this book.

The only way to get it off apparently is to fly into the atmosphere of a nearby planet and get rid of it Shuttle Columbia-style. I should have predicted it wouldn't go well, and sure enough, my ship was hit by lightning (how freakin' close was I flying to this planet?!), sending it rocketing down into a lake, where it sank, and without jedi powers, that's where it stayed.

Luckily though, my R2 unit was intact, and started wandering off, saying it needed to find its master. I followed, and soon came across an even larger ship, that wasn't stuck. Sweet! Unfortunately it was defended by a whole range of mutants, and after killing a bunch, the book told me I'd given up trying to steal it. Oh, really? 

So we found the R2 unit's Obi Wan, and he fixed my ship by taking it back in time so it was never hit by lightning, and obviously messing with the space-time continuum in a way this wouldn't create a paradox of any sort. 

Anyway... so  I headed off, and found myself attending a distress signal from another ship, and it turned out the staff were being eaten by orange blobs. I know this because one of the staff, in the process of being eaten, politely warned me against using my blaster weapon due to the gas leak. That one that isn't killing me already. Hmmm. So I'm next forced on a seemingly random wander through the ship, picking up random objects when all I really wanted to was get the fark out of there. Without any indication of what would be useful and what wouldn't, and only the slightest hint as to why I was picking up all this random shit, I grabbed a cricket bat (maybe there'd be zombies?) a skipping rope, an oxygen cylinder (that one actually seemed useful), a can of beer (it's Saturday night here on Earth), weed killer (again useful) and something called a 'viscous negater' (no freakin' idea). Turns out each of these items had a rating of how much it would slow down the blob should I need to escape, and the items I collected didn't rate high enough - though the beer did surprisingly well.

The blob ate me. That's about all I can say, as that's pretty much all the text said. No gory description, nothing. 

I didn't even make it close to the bad dude's planet, let alone save billions of my species. D'oh, sorry about that. 

A pretty random book, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was the sole reason FF didn't get back into science-fiction again. The Titan/Allansia books were always my favourite ones anyway, so it's no big loss in my view. 

I still can't decide whether that thing on the cover is supposed to be the title character either. If so, cool.

#32 - Slaves of the Abyss

I never tried Slaves of the Abyss as a kid - the cover art, with a bunch of people in some kind of mult-dimensional space jail and the villian with the never-ending mohawk just seemed kind of lame. I wasn't sure what to expect playing it, and now that I have, I'm still not sure what to think.

Your character is a famous adventurer called on to find out what kind of army is advancing from the East, or amass an army to take on what's coming from the north, or stay back and prepare for all three at home in Kallahmehr. 

And you only have a limited amount of time!

Knowing this, I initially decided to stay put and work out how we could defend the city - bad choice, as this ended with a future generation of scrap merchants telling stories about my gear, found amongst the rubble of a defeated Kallahmehr. As this happened within three pages of the introduction, I justified a restart.

I headed east, thinking the devil I don't know would make for a more interesting adventure - and  have to say, it was certainly more random than I expected. I eventually found myself seeking refuge in a temple, which was meant to be friendly. Instead, these asshole priests wanted me to empty my bag, which I don't recall happening at church when I was younger (though knowing kids these days, etc etc...). I refused, they insisted. Oh alright. Turns out I was carrying a golden fist of theirs, which pissed them off, so they sent me to the cells for an hour or so, then let me go. Err, okay. 

I headed on east, and more and more villagers were giving me dirty looks and treating me rather like the priests. Gees, I'm only out to save the world and all, ungrateful bastards! I soon found an overturned cart, in which was a mask of my face! Some imposter had been going around pretending to be me, which explained everything.

When I got to the next village, everyone was really friendly, so the imposter must've been heading east also. Some old witch there declared me something barely short of the messiah, and feeling wanted for once, I went along with it. Next thing I know, some guy calling himself the Riddling Reaver appears from the sky, offering to whisk me away and out of trouble. Err, what? Okay... I went along with it, got dumped with my horse far away and told a riddle, and yeah. Umm, okay...

So another few pages and another village, I wander into a building and am almost drowned in wine by a wretch. In real life I like to drown myself in wine, thankyou very much, so I fought him off and decided to check out a different house. Slaves of the Abyss, as odd and random as it seemed, was revealing itself more and more as a 'pick the right item and you'll use it a few pages later, pick the wrong one and something horrible will happen, and yes, there's always a random choice' kind of book, so I figured another building would be fine.

Of course I wander into a wizard's place, perhaps the silliest decision in a world such as the one presented in this gamebook. There's a half-eaten ham, a desk, and some puppets. Hmmm, so which is the essential, which is the help-but-not-required, and which is the killer? I decide to avoid the puppets (too obviously evil) and check out the desk, on which I find a parchment. The text means nothing to me, but it doesn't kill me, so I decide to leave. Unfortunately, the book won't let me! Instead, I'm tempted into drinking three potions, each with gibberish names. Oh great: in five pages time I'm going to be asked if I've drunk potion X, and if not I'll die, whilst drinking potion Y will kill me instantly, right?

I never found out, as I refused to drink any of them... yet. Maybe I'll be given the option to force them down someone else's throat?

So heading on again, and it's all empty villages. The book offers me the chance to turn back. Hmmm, okay. I've crossed off hardly any of my time boxes, so what do you know, I find the advancing army - and they're just ordinary peasants! And my game's over! I'm not sure how or why, but suddenly I'm in that dang floating prison on the cover.

I had a quick peek, and it seems heading on east ended the book also. WTF?

Others have given this book good reviews, and perhaps it is once you know what it is you're meant to do in order to defeat this army. I'm not a huge fan of the long, complicated backstories in FF books, I just want to play - in a backwards kind of way, I find it easier to immerse myself in the simpler stories, as there's more imagination and less thinking 'now where was that and whose side are they on again?' every time another character or place is mentioned. 

Slaves of the Abyss seems difficult, but not irrationally so. Still, I'm pretty confused about that ending - just when everything seemed to be going so well!

But then again, for once the introduction actually says to complete this adventure, you need to do the right things at the right time - or you'll fail. At least it's honest!

#31 - Battleblade Warrior

Despite the awesome cover (a Lizard Man riding a pterodactyl?!), I didn't go into Battleblade Warrior expecting much; perhaps because of the title, perhaps because I'd no recollection of this book, or perhaps because of the disappointing book it follows.

But what a surprise! Battleblade Warrior is a fun, interesting and well-paced read - and I'm not saying these things because I had my first victory since book #15, though that didn't hurt! There's a lightness of touch with Marc Gascoigne's writing that embraces not so much the absurd, but the inherent oddness of a world which accomodates so many different civilised species (as opposed to Earth). One of my favourite sequences in Battleblade Warrior was disguising myself as an Orc in order to avoid trouble, but finding myself in the midst of an Orc funeral - which involved ceremonially biting the deceased and partaking in Orc hooch, which by all accounts was NOT good (a loss of several stamina points, two days before my hangover and skill level recovered).

So anyway, your mission is to retrieve two holy artifacts, the Eye and Arm of Telak, in order to defeat an army of Lizard men which is threatening not only your village, but the entire world (of course). Your god comes to you in a dream, delegating the job to you.

There are a few differences with your run-of-the-mill FF gamebook - you're limited to four meals at once, and you're only allowed to eat one at a time - they've obviously been following me closely - and there's no mention of skill being limited by the initial level. Not to worry, as drinking Orc absinthe lowered mine, and it was otherwise untouched.

So heading off, I decided to try and sneak out at night, while the army beseiging my village might be otherwise occupied; a group kindly took me at my crazy-dream-word and launched a suicide attack in order to distract the Lizard Men from my sneaking. 

Tip-toeing through the Lizard Man camp, I eventually came across a stable of giant lizards, unguarded. Doing my best Obi-Wan impression, I tried to outrun my pursuers, till one of them shot my lizard with an arrow. I ran for the trees and met a man with a sabre tooth tiger and more importantly, a plan.

We decided to set a massive trap for the Lizard Men using a substance he called 'Flashpowder: Sulis Vitae from Sardath'. What he had MacGyvered was gunpowder! A group of ten Lizard Men approached, and we blew them sky high. The book told me I felt ill-at-ease with these tactics, but fuck what the book tells me, I was thrilled it worked!

So a night or two later, my friend daubs me in bad make-up and I pass through the orc funeral, as mentioned earlier. I collect more food (I can't believe I was worried about a lack of provisions when this adventure began - if I didn't have a limit, I'd now be carting a supermarket trolley's worth with me) and soon enough, a hot companion. Okay, I'm just assuming she's hot, as this is fantasy, and she's a she. 

We wander through the woods, and are captured and strung up on stakes like Jesus. Except on the fourth day, we're still there, and she's dead. I'm rescued by a trader, whom past giving me a comfy bed for the night, refuses to help me as I've nothing to trade. Bastard.

I head one, crashing in the forest, only to be awakened by a swamp monster. Shiat, my first roll-dice fight of the book, and it's against something with a skill of 10! 

Lucky dice rolls get me through easy, and I head on. Eventually I find Laskar, who tells me the Arm of Telak is a blinged-out sword, but he has no idea what the Eye of Telak looks like. Great. Oh, and he's too old to go finding them himself. Fuckin' awesome. Then he gives me a lantern and a rope, and tells me to descend into what, going by the illustration, is one fucked-up and destroyed looking place to find them, and he'll meet me on the other side.

To cut a long story short, and to leave at least some suspense for any would-be readers (or not really), I came out the other side with the sword and a smattering of jewels, any of which could be the supposed eyes. Well, one of the jewels actually came in two pieces... so I thought yeah, that's them - wedged them into the appropriate gap in the sword's hilt, and what do you know! I'm on page 400.

Page 400!

I couldn't believe it - the FF books have gotten harder and harder over the last 10 or so, for better or worse - but in perhaps the most enjoyable book since Robot Commando (remembering I don't have my childhood fave Midnight Rogue on hand), I pulled out a win. 

But this site tells me this was the only gamebook Marc Gascoigne wrote.  Really?! Damn. Highly recommended.

And not just because I rolled 12/18/10.

#30 - Chasms of Malice

Skipping the fondly-remembered Midnight Rogue, as I don't have a copy this time around as yet, tonight I tackled Chasms of Malice - and it was no substitute. Nowhere near. 

In fact, CoM is perhaps the most disappointing FF book in the series this far in. It was random, overstuffed with background information that was not worth learning (in hindsight) and stupidly difficult. I mean, your character is a third-assistant rat skinner working in a shite restaurant somewhere, and you're expected to save Khul by defeating a bunch of ancient demon type things and retrieving a magic shield of some description? FFS. 

I'm dumped in a cave with barely an explanation what's going on, and the first thing I find is a dead rabbit. Oh great, I've been plucked from obscurity and sent on a quest to save the world, and the first thing the book throws at me is a reminder of the daily grind! 

I'm captured by an elf and thrown in some dungeon type thing where I encounter the first of seven 'Khuddum' I have to defeat - with a skill of 10 and stamina of 12! Lucky I'd rolled 11/23/9, so dispatched it without too much trouble, but jeez. Have some thought for the weaker rat-skinners out there, huh? I escape captivity, only to run into another one - this one of similar strength, or even stronger if you're missing your sword. Hmmm. I wolf down the rabbit before battle, win, and head on.

Next up I have to cross a lava stream by jumping on the correct sequence of rocks, a la Indiana Jones. I know the sequence, as some trolls were singing it earlier, follow it... and die!? That was the last straw.

No replay on this one, no way. In addition to what I saw, there are ledge battles where each has a 50% chance of death, and other reviewers have not spoken highly of the book. It's not particularly well-written, and basically just sucks.

I wish I had Midnight Rogue.

#28 - Phantoms of Fear

In Phantoms of Fear, you play either (according to the back page blurb) a 'humble' Wood Elf, or (according to the introduction) a Wood Elf who's inherited magical and fighting powers from your parents, and has been named 'Defender-Shaman of the Tribe'.

So whichever of these you are, it's your job, as decreed by yourself in a dream, to rid the forest of an evil army being put together by Ishtra the Demon Prince.

Dreams are a big part of PoF, and despite sounding like some crazy gimmick, they actually work quite well - more on that later.

I rolled 9/18/12 and a dream/magic 'power' rating of 11 - not too bad. Starting without provisions made it easy to choose a Potion of Strength. Apparently as a Wood Elf, you're quite confident of being able to find food as you go - unfortunately, the player is human and has read 27 previous FF books in as many weeks, and isnt' so naive.

Straight away the book threw me into a dream - should I walk down the nice, calm forest path, or the evil, twisted one? It's a dream, it can't hurt too much I thought, and went down the dark one. That's something cool about PoF, as far as I discovered, dying in a dream doesn't leave you dead for real - at least for the most part. You can feel free to try things a bit scarier, riskier.

So anyway, after wandering off and almost being killed by squirrels while trying to steal their nuts (told you I should've brought food), I find seven packs of provisions, but not before battling a giant. Stupid elf.

I head north until a creek and bog forces me southwest. Night falls, I crash in a hole in a tree. Of course it belonged to someone else, whom I inevitably had to kill, 'cause that's what you do when you sleep in someone else's bed in FF.

The further west I go, the more skittish the animals become. Somehow, my character thinks this is a good thing - yeah, the same character who thinks the gods speak to him in dreams, names his sword ('Telessa') and kills people who own the beds he sleeps in, like some kind of evil Goldilocks-bear.

I see off some wolves with a fire spell and swordplay (sorry, 'Telessaplay') then it's nearly night again. I don't like the look of any of the caves, so press on throught the night, offsetting the two stamina point-loss with a large eight stamina-point breakfast. Just then, an unearthly wail spread across the land, accompanied by a strong gust of wind - but, according to the text: "fortunately you were breathing out, so none of the blast entered your lungs." Wow, this is going to be easier than I thought - a sorcerous gust of wind passes so quickly and weakly, I'm unaware of it cause I happened to breathe out at that exact moment.

Heading into the evil forest, apparently I can no longer use spells - wow, I only got to use one the entire book, and it was to scare a wolf. I'm feeling distinctly underwhelmed by the use of magic in PoF, but what the hell. I'm sure if I'd headed east or south to begin with, the complete wrong direction, I'd be using it loads. And wasting my time - though I'm sure they wouldn't have had such a 50/50 decision so early on!

I follow a trail leading to holly bushes, which I climb under. As I'm coming out the other side, someone stands on my neck and tells me to lose the sword. Hmmm. I do so, and he lets me up - an insane barbarian. Apparently I can tell he's insane because he is so unkempt and dirty, but has a perfect, immaculately carved double-headed axe. Maybe he's just got Aspergers? I suppose that didn't really exist in the '80s. We go to his hut and sit down. I tell him who I am, and he laughs. Fuck this I think. I grab my sword. kill him, drink my potion and look around. Nothing to take, except his axe. Maybe it's magic? Who knows.

I head further west, and am circled by six Dark Elves. Shit. I try to make a break for it, but they attack - a new one every four attack rounds... somehow, and my dice aren't usually this kind, but I survive it... with four stamina points left... lucky, lucky rolls. But a fucking mean fight to stick in the middle of this adventure! I assume it's avoidable somehow, but jebus.

I come across the tunnel to the underground, which is a good sign. I feel like I'm actually doing quite well for once! Now this is where the book really does something quite innovative and cool. You're able to switch between the dream world and the real world at will by subtracting/adding numbers to the paragraph you're on, and continuing on wherever it takes you. It works too, at least the part of it I got to experience.

A Sphinx tries to trick me, but I'm no fool. I head down the correct path and see a troll fighting an orc. Once they're done, the troll comes for me... and I come out of it with a single stamina point.

Hmmm... to the dream world! Alright! A way to complete this adventure with only a single stamina point. But...

My body in real life wanders into a narrow passage, and the large axe I pinched off the crazy guy hits the sides, alerting the denizens to my presence... and I'm killed with a volley of crossbow shots, invisible or now.

All in all, a good read. The dream elements were implemented really well, perhaps at the expense of the magic side of things a bit. The fights seem a little unfair - the odds are stacked against you with random dice rolls - but that's what dream are like, right?

I can't imagine what I would've thought had I gone east or south to begin with though! The freedom seemed well done, the way I went at least. Recommended. If you go west or north.

#27 - Star Strider

Star Strider is that rare thing in the FF universe - a book set on Earth. It's Earth somewhat far into the future, but Earth nonetheless.There's Madrid, 'Roma', Paris and London... but I only found this out from a map, not from experience.

Another difficult entry, Star Strider finds you, a bounty hunter of some sort, on a mission to save the Galactic President, who's been kidnapped by the Gromulan race and hid on the backwater planet of Earth.

Right off the bat Iknow this isn't going to be any normal FF book - the instructions are slightly rewritten to be more like a mission briefing - I'm even given the option to not accept the mission before the book proper even begins - but there's a flaw. Nowhere is it mentioned your scores can never exceed their initial levels. I thought this an error till in the very second paragraph I read I ate some 'food cubes' and gained a stamina point, without the chance to have lost any. The future rules!

Apart from the kidnapping and all that.

So once on Earth, I'm on the way to Madrid when some Gromulans realise I'm a rogue tracer ( the fancy future term for bounty hunter). Surprisingly enough, they let me go. Once in Madrid, I ignore the suspicious looking android (some are agents for us, others have turned to the dark side) instead try to capture some local houlgans/hooligans. The one I capture is just a kid, and takes me to their gang - who hate the Gromulans too. They suggest trying one of two places - the Plaza de Toros, or the hacienda - the latter of which is more lightly defended, and probably host to New Order gigs, so I choose that one.

It might not be guarded by androids, but it's host to laser beams. Having watched the Mythbusters episode where they figure out how to escape detection by burglar alarms, the dice roll me lucky and I'm in. A butler robot accosts me but I deal to it quickly (by now I've got 31 stamina and am feeling quite invincible). A little comes out, and it seems I've destroyed the android she sent to get her a drink. Still, she wants to play - I suggest a game involving her family's ComTerm (like an internet access point), and she's keen.

Sweet! To get in though, there's a maths problem - a 'fill in the missing number and turn to that page' problem.

54 (12) 9
18 (?) 2

I worked it out in some backward-assed manner, and was faced with a much easier problem. Who blocks off their internet with maths problems, anyway?!

Anyway, onto Roma, I find a member of the underworld there who apparently has some info. unfortunately, he won't even talk to me until I've won a round of Russian Roulette, which I lose. Grrr.

It was a frustrating way to lose, as I was quite enjoying Star Strider. It strikes a nice balance between feeling open-ended but still with enough purpose and drive - the continually leaving bus/train/subway thing keeps you moving along, as does the time limiton your mission - 48 hours.

I didn't get the impression, at least this far in, it was too random, and it felt like an intelligent romp. Perhaps a little too heavy on the backstory/info, but intriguing nonetheless.

#26 - Crypt of the Sorcerer

I'm finding it hard to believe I was once five from 15 in completing these books - and after a rather sudden end to Crypt of the Sorcerer, which I was really enjoying, I'm still at five... from 26.

Damn.

Anyway, CotS is kind of a cross between Star Wars and the King Arthur legend; there's a powerful sorcerer (duh) spreading his influence and control over the land, using the 'dark' arts... and the only thing that can kill him is his old sword, currently being held by a former enemy who'll willingly give it up to anyone who can find him. He doesn't make it easy though, hiding in a secluded lake, sailing about.

It's obvious my mission is to kill the sorcerer, so the first thing I do is visit ye olde wizard Yaztromo, he of Forest of Doom and Temple of Terror. In CotS, he plays a Yoda analogue - the wise, grumpy old fuck who gets everyone else to do what he can't, being too old and all.

Turns out the lake with the sword is to the east, which is also the direction from the which the darkness (figuratively, and literally - the overcast skies are annoying Yodatromo) is spreading. Slightly annoyed at having to partake in the farcical aquatic ceremony of retrieving a magic sword from a watery skeleton, I decided to follow the river, and was almost killed by Harpoon Flies. Yaztromo's potion quelled the poison's effects.

I came across a cave, and knowing I'd need lots of amulets and things to defeat the evil sorcerer because a) Yaztromo told me, and b) this is an Ian Livingstone book, I decided to investigate. I came across a metal box, which unleashed two creatures called 'Rad Hulks'. Not green, but Rad. Hmmm.

Dispatching them eventually, after a run of four consecutive tied attack rounds, I then came across a wooden box. I figure a wooden box wouldn't be able to hold creatures as strong as Rad Hulks, and was rewarded for my wonky logic with chainmail. Sweet. My character decides on his own he doesn't need the plate armour, for some reason (but this being a Livingstone book, probably wisely).

Next stop is a smoking village, where a dying dward bequeaths me his barrel, in which I find gold, a knife and a crystal on a chain - a crystal of sanity! Something I could have done with in past adventures, no doubt. I remember back in the day (in my case, the early 1990s) when I'd use characters 12/24/12 and re-roll bad rolls, I'd re-use characters from one book in another - keeping any iron keys, gold pieces and so on from quest to quest. It made no logical consistent sense, but sure as hell made it easier. Cause you know, it was so hard with re-rolling and perfect stats already...

Anyway, I digress. I killed some chameleons, dabbed their blood on my skin in order to gain their camouflage skills - it's not made apparent in the text whether this only applies to the parts of my body I daubed it on, like sunscreen, or everywhere - though for laughs' sake, I hope it's the former.

Next up I came across a boneyard, which is one of those 'only in FF' things. Though I did once live in a student flat with a cat who had a stash of dead creatures behind the couch. The 'Bonekeeper' needed a new knife for carving his 'magic' rings, so I gave him the one I had in exchange for a ring that warded off werewolves. At least, that's what he said.

So far, so good. I'm feeling like I'm doing well, making good progress. I've had lucky rolls, I'm collecting a lot of gear, and I'm coming across fortuitious poems such as: 'To go beyond a granite door, press the numbers one, eight, four,' inscribed into boulders. Think about this. Someone went to the trouble of composing and carving a rhyming couplet into a random boulder about a particular granite door in some place not even I, on a quest where I'm likely to need to go through a granite door at some point, know. It's the FF equivalent of the modern, I don't know, reading a random article on Czechoslovakian economics then there being a question on it at that night's pub quiz. Or something. Either way, it's a slow golf clap for Livingstone here, surely.

But I was never to find out, as a wood demon - some kind of evil Ent - grabbed me, I failed a roll, and as I'd dropped my sword (where was my skill roll for that?!) reached for my knife... which I'd swapped for a bone ring, so I was crushed to death.

Damn.

I was actually really enojying CotS, others say it's quite difficult though - I never got that impression, but sure I would have eventually. I'm going to assume you don't need the werewolf ring, for one, though.

I'd recommend it, for sure, but if it really is as hard as others say, it could get frustrating over a few reads.

My copy is the same as the pic above, excpet with a '26' in a yellow circle in the top right, and a message in pen inside the front cover - 'To Tony, with love from Anne & Bob.' I suppose I can't say for certain the copy pictured above doesn't also have this dedication, but what are the chances?

Probably greater than finding a random boulder with the pin number to a random door, that's for sure!

#25 - Beneath Nightmare Castle

I don't really have any memories of Beneath Nightmare Castle - when a single FF book cost as much, if not more than I earnt a week it was inevitable I'd miss some. The horror genre isn't particularly up my alley either, so I wasn't sure what to expect here.

But I sure as hell didn't expect to die four pages in!

I rolled 7/20/7, and willpower 12, which didn't bode too well. Basically, I'd suck in a fight, but would persevere anyway, never a good combination.

In BNC, you're back in town to see an old friend, Baron Tholdur, but something's gone horribly wrong - the town seems oddly quiet, and your old friend is under the control of a powerful wizard, or something. I never did work out what exactly was going on.

This is partly down to the fact there's no picture for the first entry, nor the introduction. It's straight into the story, what little story there seems to be so far. Not surprised though - the artwork throughout is pretty poor, though I've read elsewhere some of it was taken out prior to publication. If it was anything like the art that made it through, I've no idea why. It's pretty lame.

So a guy cuts me free and buggers off, so I decide to check out where I am - and am captured, bludgeoned unconscious, and tortured - without loss of stamina, which I think is weird, until I'm told I'm dead. The same thing would have happened had I ignored the voice offering to cut me free. Damn.

Well within my restart boundaries, this time I high-tail it out of there at first chance. I can't bash the door down though, and have to fight no less than six swordsman. Come on! Not only have there already been two or three oppurtunities for instant death, but I have to fight six dudes, armed only with a skill of seven? And I can't even use my full complement of stamina - if they get me down to two, it's all over. Seriously?

Only a lucky succession of dice rolls keeps me alive, and my character decides it's time for a drink, and wanders off to a tavern for rest. Err, I've played enough FF books now to know going to a tavern is not usually a good idea when you're low on stamina, but I've no choice it seems.

The tavern owner is a mate of our old friend Tholdur, and tells me to hunt down the town's oldest man, Huw, for advice. I do, but not before coming across a 'crate of limbs' that seriously threatens my willpower.

The old guy, whom I have to assume is Welsh going by his name, isn't a lot of help. He asks for the ring Tholdur gave me, I hand it over, he makes me do a simple test and lifts my initial willpower and stamina by a point. Hmmm. Skill and luck, now that would have been useful!

Anyway, I follow his directions into the keep, kill an ogre, he shows me his secret passageway down, I take it, and am captured again. This time however, I'm taken straight to the Baron, who doesn't remember me. Hmmm. After killing and escaping from my captor, I trip and fall into some kind of slime thing, which eats me. Hmmm.

I don't know about this one. Everything was a bit vague, but not in the Creature of Havoc kind of way; it always seemed like a wrong move would end in instant death, which made it hard to get too involved in the story. The cover and art didn't inspire me, and the writing seemed a little bland.

Or maybe I'm just not a fan of the genre Beneath Nightmare Castle falls into. Others have rated it highly.

#24 - Creature of Havoc

Looking at the adventure sheet, you'd think Creature of Havoc, another adventure from Steve Jackson #1, is a simple, classic romp through Allansia - you'd be quite wrong, as I was.

The first sign this isn't any ordinary FF adventure is the 20-page introduction; if you thought parts of The Phantom Menace were interminable, you ain't read nothing yet. The frustration of having to read The Hobbit before you can launch into the Lord of the Rings is capped off with the phrase, on the 20th page: 'Much of what you have read will be of little help to you...' Well, fuck you too, Steve #1. I've already used up half the time I've allocated to playing this book reading an intro which is mostly useless. Save it for the novels!

Anyway, in short you're some kind of beast, you're not really sure who or what you are, but you're probably the result of experiments that seem to have come right out of the new X Files flick (which by spooky coincendence, I saw earlier today - highly recommended). You can kill enemies with a single blow, provided you roll a double, which is pretty awesome.

So despite the long, expansive (yeah, that's what we'll call it) intro, I start the adventure wandering in some kind of dark corridoors, soon finding an injured dwarf. Trying to wake him up, I crush him to death... oops. I see. I don't know my own strength. He's carrying a piece of leather hide, with writing I can't read, which my character decides on his own is useful, and some shiny, round pieces of metal, which aren't. Apart from character development and immersion into the world of Creature of Havoc, I'm not sure why I'd find a piece of leather interesting and coins not so... but alright, I'm playing along.

But any goodwill I might have towards the book is ruined over the next quarter of an hour, during which every single move is decided either by the book or dice rolls. Not just tests of luck or or skill, which would still be random but keep the game part of the book individual to each player to a small degree, but things like 'roll 1-3, you go west; roll 4-6, you go east'. Throw in a few fights, and already we're three-quarters of an hour into starting Creature of Havoc and we've made but a single decision as to the fate of our character.

At some point, suddenly I'm able to choose where I go - but it's still all random decisions of east/west, open/don't open, etc. I look at a parchment written in what sounds like a mixture of Tolkien Elven and Welsh, get cursed by a zombie, find an orb.

Ah, the orb. It speaks to me, and I'm beginning to think I can read this: 'Did you think you could theif the orb of Zharradan Marr?' The rest of it's a little harder to decipher, so I leave... the orb seems evil.

The next place I randomly wander into burns me to death. Yep, that about sums up the book.

So, there are promising flashes in Creature of Havoc - the fact I think I could actually start to read the Elven/Welsh, the slow shift towards being able to actually choose what my character could do, and I assume that intro is useful for something. Surely!

The book also has more than the usual 400 pages, so perhaps Steve was going for something a little deeper than the usual hack-n-slash or was looking for a different way to expand an adventure than the usual extra-rules method. It seems like one with depth that perhaps I didn't get to encounter; perhaps I was a little harsh on Steve #1 earlier.

So much like the previous book I covered, if you've got the time, Creature of Havoc might just be one of the better FF gamebooks, but as a once-off, it's frustrating and random.

If you're wondering why I skipped book #23, it's because I don't have it. Anyone care to expensively lend a copy to someone (probably) on the other side of the world?

#22 - Robot Commando

When I picked up Robot Commando, I got ridiculously excited - just look at that cover! It's a dinosaur biting what looks like a Transformer, and the title combines the best of what I loved as an '80s kid - robots and Commando. Oh, and I was obsessed with dinosaurs. Completely bonkers.

So I was pretty thrilled to realise that unlike some other FF books, the cover showed exactly what was inside - actually, it failed to mention that not only are there robots fighting dinosaurs in a Schwarzenagger-esque one-man mission to save the world, but you actually wear the robot. (It was a toss-up between that and The Simpsons for that link...)

Basically, your planet has been invaded by an alien race, and they've put everyone to sleep - except you, somehow. It's your job to defeat the invading army, singlehandedly, whilst avoiding being killed by the dinosaurs that roam the planet you call home.

Truly awesome.

So, I rolled 11/18/9, grabbed a standard 'cowboy' model robot and beelined for the City of Knowledge - figuring I'd need to know what I'd need before hitting up the City of Industry. On the way to the CoK, I killed a pteranodon, and soon came across a digger, apparently a potential replacement for my current robot. Well, we have diggers on Earth, and they're nowhere near as exciting as wearable cowboy robots.

Once at the CoK, I went to the interestingly named 'War College'. We don't have those on Earth, at least not in this part of the world, and it sounded useful. We're at war, and I'm wearing a giant robot, remember.

I was soon attacked by a Karossean (the bad guys), whom I defeated... I went to check out his remains, when he self-destructed and destroyed my robot... which without, I was quickly dispatched by the other Karosseans.

Hmmm. I counted this within the 'restart' boundary, and err, restarted. With the same rolls, as I was pretty happy with those.

So, I quickly made it back to the same spot, killed him, and continued onto the War College. The Karosseans were closing in, and I only had time to read one book - I chose the one called 'Emergency Procedures', considering I was in an emergency, and it was useless. Damn. I escaped, jumping into one of their robots - the Starscream model, I suppose - and escaped.

I went to the Medical College, and made a potion - the antidote to the sleeping virus! I could only make one litre, and it was so volatile it could only be used once. Hmmm. Somehow knowing this jar would still be usefel, I took it with me. There were weird noises, so I bolted.

Next up was the museum, and I went to the Karossean cultural display, to learn about these assholes. I found a dead one, stole his uniform - I assume we fit their clothes? - and soon realised they'd been messing about with the T-Rex exhibit. Hmmm.. must be time to bail this place too!

Onto the dinosaur preserve. I didn't find anything in the admin department (Yeah, I found a freakin' dinosaur preserve, and the first thing I did was check out the freakin' admin dept), but in the barn was a super cowboy robot. If there's one thing better than a cowboy robot or a wearable Starscream, it's something prefixed 'super'.

The dino reserve itself contained vicious Triceratops, plural (however you do it), so I left there. One thing the super cowboy robot couldn't do was fly, damnit. It was one of those times I felt like something was just out of reach due to an idiot ('wow, it has 'super' in the name') decision earlier on.

Next up I travelled to the City of Industry, and it was significantly more boring than the City of Knowledge, much to my surprise. I got my robot touched up a but, got hit on the head by a falling book, and found an ape who did my robot some further fixing.

Okay, no rocket add-ons or super heavy-duty robots? Anyway, onto the City of Pleasure, something to alleive the dull monotony of industry.

Once there, being the geek I am I went straight to the arcade, and a game called Wasp Fighter, which proved that playing games is good for you - my skill against robots increased by one. Bouyed, I played Dinosaur Hunter next, which was fun, then 'Zap the Karossean'. This one was broken, and zapped me back.

Onto the City of Jungles, where I found a serpent robot.

If this entry's getting a little dull, it's because around here the book did for me too. It started so damn well, and I'm not sure exactly what wrong. I think a little freedom is great in FF books, but perhaps this one went a little too far - I was eventually killed in the Capitol City, after being asked for the return call by some Karosseans, and failing. It was a pretty dull end to an adventure that opened so excitingly, but got far too open and wide far too quickly, without a focus or clue as to just how defeating the invaders would be achieved.

I think this book has the real potential to be a classic, for someone willing to buckle down and nut it out - but for a casual stroll, it's too open. It's obvious there's a huge amount to do, places to go, choices to make and paths to follow - and for this, Steve Jackson #2 has to be applauded.

So if you're just in the mood to have a romp through a land full of robot-wearing commandos and loose dinosaurs (to be honest, who is never in the mood for that?!), Robot Commando is perfect. If you're in the mood for a deep, open and mysterious FF adventure, ditto.

But if focus and a linear plot is what you're after, or perhaps a quick read, go elsewhere.

Perhaps tonight, I was just in the mood for something quicker! Any way you look at it, I'm on a bad run at the moment... and I won't be passing Masks of Mayhem, #23, as it's the first gap in my collection, and hasn't been republished in the current series. I picked up Legend of Zagor the other day from Borders, though I'm several months from visiting that one at the moment.

So: all in all, Robot Commando is good if you have the time and patience to give it a decent shot; and a robot made of whatever the Terminator is.

#21 - Trial Of Champions

Unlike others, I wouldn't call Trial Of Champions a sequel to Deathtrap Dungeon - it's not as if you're playing the same character with the same motivations or anything. This is probably just as well, as I doubt a corpse would get very far.

This time around you're a slave belonging to the maze owner's brother, Lord Carnass, and he wants a strong contender to represent him in the competition, to stick it to his bro', as all brothers do. Apparently someone won it the year before (not me, mind you) so Baron Sukumvit redesigned the competition from scratch to make it more evil.

Carnass has 42 slaves, but can only send one for some reason, so puts us all through challenges - not like a trial, to be honest, as the losers are put to death, if they're not dead already.

Sounds a little complex and two-parted, huh? Well, that's nothing compared to the adventure sheet. Just skill, stamina, luck, some boxes for fights, and one for equipment/notes. No food, magic, treasure, nothing. Sensing fisticuffs would feature heavily, without even a mention of weaponry in the intro I was glad to roll 12 skill, 21 stamina and 11 luck. Though, somewhat ironically, these high rolls would result in my eventual downfall.

I survived the first test - running on hot coals with a sack of rocks on my back, thanks to a technique I developed long ago while at high school - the slower you run, the less energy you lose. Next up, I had a choice of going into battle with either a sword and shield, or a net and trident. When faced with such a choice, always choose the quirky gear, 'cause you're bound to be facing an opponent whose weaknesses match, and this was no different.

What did amuse me was the name of the creature - Bonecrusher. I had a snail by that name when I was a little one.

Anyway, the next challenge was dodging spinning blades, and a skill of 12 certainly came in handy here. So many times I was faced with challenges of skill, and every time I came out of feeling like I must've been wearing my undies on the outside and a cape. Even a blindfolded fight with morning stars went my way without trouble, as did the final battle against the last other slave alive. Lord Carnuss really should've thought about how much money he was losing with each death!

So although I doubt the chances of making it through this part of the book were 1/42, I still felt pretty good, and even better so when a week of gorging and living in luxury restored my stamina to its initial level. I know in real life when I gorge and live luxuriously, the opposite happens.

Into the dungeon I went, second in line, but obviously whoever went in first was chicken - they didn't even open the door with the 'keep out' sign. I did, killed the hellhound, and found a gold ring. Sweet. I wasn't given the option to wear it and lose skill points, so I figured it must be useful.

Next up I found a bunch of spears hanging from the ceiling, so took one. No, it didn't seem scary at all, for some reason. So far so fail, Sukumvit, I was thinking, till a random crossbow bolt took a skill point off me. Damn you, Livingstone! Yep, when things are going well, it's Sukumvit's fault, when they go badly, it's Livingstone's.

Next up I found some orcs having a dagger-throwing contest, which was unlucky, as I was a much bigger target than the rat they were using before. Oddly, the dagger I had to rip from my arm only did 2 stamina damage; I assume it hit my muscly arm, while the crossbow bolt hit that arm of mine which is directly attached to my heart, or something.

Killed them, took the breastplate, got my skill point back and eventually came across a little mischevious-looking dude in a glass bowl. I should've guessed, but he was a thief and stole my pouch, where I was keeping my gold ring. Bastard! Oddly enough, later on I came across a bell, rang it, and a dove delivered me a gold ring (once again, not one I had the option of wearing); so I figure owning a gold ring must've been important at some point in the book, not that I got to find out.

As if to balance the universe, I then randomly, without much effort stumbled across a magic sword. Now, no indication was given in the text how I knew it was a magic sword - no mention was made of lightning bolts firing out the end or an eerie glow, and I didn't get any increase in skill. What a lame magic sword.

It was even lamer when I came up against a 'Skeleton King' (what, the skeleton king? Weren't the skeleton serfs annoyed their king was living in an amusement park? A deadly amusement park, but one nonetheless?) and I was told that unless I had a hammer, I'd do only one point of damage with each hit. What, a hammer can do two, but a magic fucking sword can only do one? Eh?!

Anyway, before that encounter I did come across a couple of his subjects lounging about, posing riddles. One pointed to the other, and said: "Brothers and sisters I have none, but this man's father is my father's son." I know this is an ages-old riddle, and I should've known the answer right off, but I've been looking at family trees regularly while playing my newly-acquired Medieval II: Total War, and got a little confused, 'cause 'sister' wasn't an option. Eventually my graph (yeah, I know it shouldn't have taken this much thinking) showed me the answer, and I got an iron key for my troubles.

Alright, it's a planned maze, I figure the placement of probably essential items in artificialy situations is probably fair, this time!

So eventually I come across Buddha, except he's masquerading under the name 'Trialmaster'. I beat his caveman in tug-of-war, solved his junior school maths problem and beat him in a bout of kendo. Once again, or perhaps even thrice, it helped having a skill level of 12.

Skipping past a fountain (too obvious, Livingstone, surely!) I defeated the aforementioned Skeleton King and killed a giant worm (I should have known better than to open a grill on the floor, I mean, really...). Still, given the option to check out its lair, I was game. I found a sheet of paper in a bottle with the sentence: "There is a door behind the pile of stones." Strangely, the text told me this made no sense. Odd, cause I know what door means, I know what behind means, I know what stones are, and I've already proved I can do maths and solve riddles - I'm not just an idiot slave, damnit!

It wasn't long before I found the pile of rocks, and the door was right there, behind it, mentioned in the same damn paragraph. Some help, condescending previous location!

I wandered in and found an elf being eaten by a giant tongue. This was the first contact I'd had with another contestant - unlike Deathtrap Dungeon, this was a pretty solitary adventure. Maybe it was written as such, and when it didn't fill 400 pages, the trial was added? Or maybe the trial bloated, so the trip inside the dungeon was simplified? I mean, so far it seemed the only essential thing I'd need would be a gold key! And some brains...

Anyway, I went through the mouth where the tongue was, and heard some music. I slap my forehead now, but being a music geek, I decided to check it out - apparently it was real good! Yeah, I temporarily forgot I was the FF world. It was a siren.

And here's where having a skill of 12 paid off badly! I was heading towards her when a tentacle or something grabbed my leg, pulling me under. I rolled equal to or lower than my skill level, of course, throwing it off and continuing onwards toward doom.

If only I'd rolled a 13 or something, damnit! I had a quick viddy and saw that failing would've saved me, most likely. Dang. I have to say, well played Livingstone. Nice twist.

I think perhaps although Deathtrap Dungeon was definitely better in atmosphere and structure, Trial Of Champions pips it for playability and style. It's easier - maybe not to finish, I can't say as I didn't complete either, but it didn't seem like there were too many die/pass 50/50s. I wouldn't know if I happened to choose the correct way each time though, of course. I also feel like it wouldn't take too many attempts to complete, with decent dice rolls, while Deathtrap seems very particular about what you do.

Overall, I'd say Deathtrap Dungeon was better, but Trial Of Champions more fun. It's like comparing Pinkerton to The Red Album - on any given day I'll chuck on the latter, but every now and then, but only when the time is right, I'll pull out the former and deal with the full-on version.

Or something...!?

My cover's the same as above, but has a '21' in a yellow oval in the top right. I'm not sure what this means, except to guess perhaps they were celebrating FF's 21st. Inside the front cover Crypt of the Sorcerer and Beneath Nightmare Castle are advertised, so I suppose it's a later printing?

Pretty good overall, but a few less 'you find a door - do you open it?' scenarious would've been better.

I'm only one book from my first missing one now, which is #23, Masks Of Mayhem.