#32 - Slaves of the Abyss

I never tried Slaves of the Abyss as a kid - the cover art, with a bunch of people in some kind of mult-dimensional space jail and the villian with the never-ending mohawk just seemed kind of lame. I wasn't sure what to expect playing it, and now that I have, I'm still not sure what to think.

Your character is a famous adventurer called on to find out what kind of army is advancing from the East, or amass an army to take on what's coming from the north, or stay back and prepare for all three at home in Kallahmehr. 

And you only have a limited amount of time!

Knowing this, I initially decided to stay put and work out how we could defend the city - bad choice, as this ended with a future generation of scrap merchants telling stories about my gear, found amongst the rubble of a defeated Kallahmehr. As this happened within three pages of the introduction, I justified a restart.

I headed east, thinking the devil I don't know would make for a more interesting adventure - and  have to say, it was certainly more random than I expected. I eventually found myself seeking refuge in a temple, which was meant to be friendly. Instead, these asshole priests wanted me to empty my bag, which I don't recall happening at church when I was younger (though knowing kids these days, etc etc...). I refused, they insisted. Oh alright. Turns out I was carrying a golden fist of theirs, which pissed them off, so they sent me to the cells for an hour or so, then let me go. Err, okay. 

I headed on east, and more and more villagers were giving me dirty looks and treating me rather like the priests. Gees, I'm only out to save the world and all, ungrateful bastards! I soon found an overturned cart, in which was a mask of my face! Some imposter had been going around pretending to be me, which explained everything.

When I got to the next village, everyone was really friendly, so the imposter must've been heading east also. Some old witch there declared me something barely short of the messiah, and feeling wanted for once, I went along with it. Next thing I know, some guy calling himself the Riddling Reaver appears from the sky, offering to whisk me away and out of trouble. Err, what? Okay... I went along with it, got dumped with my horse far away and told a riddle, and yeah. Umm, okay...

So another few pages and another village, I wander into a building and am almost drowned in wine by a wretch. In real life I like to drown myself in wine, thankyou very much, so I fought him off and decided to check out a different house. Slaves of the Abyss, as odd and random as it seemed, was revealing itself more and more as a 'pick the right item and you'll use it a few pages later, pick the wrong one and something horrible will happen, and yes, there's always a random choice' kind of book, so I figured another building would be fine.

Of course I wander into a wizard's place, perhaps the silliest decision in a world such as the one presented in this gamebook. There's a half-eaten ham, a desk, and some puppets. Hmmm, so which is the essential, which is the help-but-not-required, and which is the killer? I decide to avoid the puppets (too obviously evil) and check out the desk, on which I find a parchment. The text means nothing to me, but it doesn't kill me, so I decide to leave. Unfortunately, the book won't let me! Instead, I'm tempted into drinking three potions, each with gibberish names. Oh great: in five pages time I'm going to be asked if I've drunk potion X, and if not I'll die, whilst drinking potion Y will kill me instantly, right?

I never found out, as I refused to drink any of them... yet. Maybe I'll be given the option to force them down someone else's throat?

So heading on again, and it's all empty villages. The book offers me the chance to turn back. Hmmm, okay. I've crossed off hardly any of my time boxes, so what do you know, I find the advancing army - and they're just ordinary peasants! And my game's over! I'm not sure how or why, but suddenly I'm in that dang floating prison on the cover.

I had a quick peek, and it seems heading on east ended the book also. WTF?

Others have given this book good reviews, and perhaps it is once you know what it is you're meant to do in order to defeat this army. I'm not a huge fan of the long, complicated backstories in FF books, I just want to play - in a backwards kind of way, I find it easier to immerse myself in the simpler stories, as there's more imagination and less thinking 'now where was that and whose side are they on again?' every time another character or place is mentioned. 

Slaves of the Abyss seems difficult, but not irrationally so. Still, I'm pretty confused about that ending - just when everything seemed to be going so well!

But then again, for once the introduction actually says to complete this adventure, you need to do the right things at the right time - or you'll fail. At least it's honest!

#31 - Battleblade Warrior

Despite the awesome cover (a Lizard Man riding a pterodactyl?!), I didn't go into Battleblade Warrior expecting much; perhaps because of the title, perhaps because I'd no recollection of this book, or perhaps because of the disappointing book it follows.

But what a surprise! Battleblade Warrior is a fun, interesting and well-paced read - and I'm not saying these things because I had my first victory since book #15, though that didn't hurt! There's a lightness of touch with Marc Gascoigne's writing that embraces not so much the absurd, but the inherent oddness of a world which accomodates so many different civilised species (as opposed to Earth). One of my favourite sequences in Battleblade Warrior was disguising myself as an Orc in order to avoid trouble, but finding myself in the midst of an Orc funeral - which involved ceremonially biting the deceased and partaking in Orc hooch, which by all accounts was NOT good (a loss of several stamina points, two days before my hangover and skill level recovered).

So anyway, your mission is to retrieve two holy artifacts, the Eye and Arm of Telak, in order to defeat an army of Lizard men which is threatening not only your village, but the entire world (of course). Your god comes to you in a dream, delegating the job to you.

There are a few differences with your run-of-the-mill FF gamebook - you're limited to four meals at once, and you're only allowed to eat one at a time - they've obviously been following me closely - and there's no mention of skill being limited by the initial level. Not to worry, as drinking Orc absinthe lowered mine, and it was otherwise untouched.

So heading off, I decided to try and sneak out at night, while the army beseiging my village might be otherwise occupied; a group kindly took me at my crazy-dream-word and launched a suicide attack in order to distract the Lizard Men from my sneaking. 

Tip-toeing through the Lizard Man camp, I eventually came across a stable of giant lizards, unguarded. Doing my best Obi-Wan impression, I tried to outrun my pursuers, till one of them shot my lizard with an arrow. I ran for the trees and met a man with a sabre tooth tiger and more importantly, a plan.

We decided to set a massive trap for the Lizard Men using a substance he called 'Flashpowder: Sulis Vitae from Sardath'. What he had MacGyvered was gunpowder! A group of ten Lizard Men approached, and we blew them sky high. The book told me I felt ill-at-ease with these tactics, but fuck what the book tells me, I was thrilled it worked!

So a night or two later, my friend daubs me in bad make-up and I pass through the orc funeral, as mentioned earlier. I collect more food (I can't believe I was worried about a lack of provisions when this adventure began - if I didn't have a limit, I'd now be carting a supermarket trolley's worth with me) and soon enough, a hot companion. Okay, I'm just assuming she's hot, as this is fantasy, and she's a she. 

We wander through the woods, and are captured and strung up on stakes like Jesus. Except on the fourth day, we're still there, and she's dead. I'm rescued by a trader, whom past giving me a comfy bed for the night, refuses to help me as I've nothing to trade. Bastard.

I head one, crashing in the forest, only to be awakened by a swamp monster. Shiat, my first roll-dice fight of the book, and it's against something with a skill of 10! 

Lucky dice rolls get me through easy, and I head on. Eventually I find Laskar, who tells me the Arm of Telak is a blinged-out sword, but he has no idea what the Eye of Telak looks like. Great. Oh, and he's too old to go finding them himself. Fuckin' awesome. Then he gives me a lantern and a rope, and tells me to descend into what, going by the illustration, is one fucked-up and destroyed looking place to find them, and he'll meet me on the other side.

To cut a long story short, and to leave at least some suspense for any would-be readers (or not really), I came out the other side with the sword and a smattering of jewels, any of which could be the supposed eyes. Well, one of the jewels actually came in two pieces... so I thought yeah, that's them - wedged them into the appropriate gap in the sword's hilt, and what do you know! I'm on page 400.

Page 400!

I couldn't believe it - the FF books have gotten harder and harder over the last 10 or so, for better or worse - but in perhaps the most enjoyable book since Robot Commando (remembering I don't have my childhood fave Midnight Rogue on hand), I pulled out a win. 

But this site tells me this was the only gamebook Marc Gascoigne wrote.  Really?! Damn. Highly recommended.

And not just because I rolled 12/18/10.

#30 - Chasms of Malice

Skipping the fondly-remembered Midnight Rogue, as I don't have a copy this time around as yet, tonight I tackled Chasms of Malice - and it was no substitute. Nowhere near. 

In fact, CoM is perhaps the most disappointing FF book in the series this far in. It was random, overstuffed with background information that was not worth learning (in hindsight) and stupidly difficult. I mean, your character is a third-assistant rat skinner working in a shite restaurant somewhere, and you're expected to save Khul by defeating a bunch of ancient demon type things and retrieving a magic shield of some description? FFS. 

I'm dumped in a cave with barely an explanation what's going on, and the first thing I find is a dead rabbit. Oh great, I've been plucked from obscurity and sent on a quest to save the world, and the first thing the book throws at me is a reminder of the daily grind! 

I'm captured by an elf and thrown in some dungeon type thing where I encounter the first of seven 'Khuddum' I have to defeat - with a skill of 10 and stamina of 12! Lucky I'd rolled 11/23/9, so dispatched it without too much trouble, but jeez. Have some thought for the weaker rat-skinners out there, huh? I escape captivity, only to run into another one - this one of similar strength, or even stronger if you're missing your sword. Hmmm. I wolf down the rabbit before battle, win, and head on.

Next up I have to cross a lava stream by jumping on the correct sequence of rocks, a la Indiana Jones. I know the sequence, as some trolls were singing it earlier, follow it... and die!? That was the last straw.

No replay on this one, no way. In addition to what I saw, there are ledge battles where each has a 50% chance of death, and other reviewers have not spoken highly of the book. It's not particularly well-written, and basically just sucks.

I wish I had Midnight Rogue.

#28 - Phantoms of Fear

In Phantoms of Fear, you play either (according to the back page blurb) a 'humble' Wood Elf, or (according to the introduction) a Wood Elf who's inherited magical and fighting powers from your parents, and has been named 'Defender-Shaman of the Tribe'.

So whichever of these you are, it's your job, as decreed by yourself in a dream, to rid the forest of an evil army being put together by Ishtra the Demon Prince.

Dreams are a big part of PoF, and despite sounding like some crazy gimmick, they actually work quite well - more on that later.

I rolled 9/18/12 and a dream/magic 'power' rating of 11 - not too bad. Starting without provisions made it easy to choose a Potion of Strength. Apparently as a Wood Elf, you're quite confident of being able to find food as you go - unfortunately, the player is human and has read 27 previous FF books in as many weeks, and isnt' so naive.

Straight away the book threw me into a dream - should I walk down the nice, calm forest path, or the evil, twisted one? It's a dream, it can't hurt too much I thought, and went down the dark one. That's something cool about PoF, as far as I discovered, dying in a dream doesn't leave you dead for real - at least for the most part. You can feel free to try things a bit scarier, riskier.

So anyway, after wandering off and almost being killed by squirrels while trying to steal their nuts (told you I should've brought food), I find seven packs of provisions, but not before battling a giant. Stupid elf.

I head north until a creek and bog forces me southwest. Night falls, I crash in a hole in a tree. Of course it belonged to someone else, whom I inevitably had to kill, 'cause that's what you do when you sleep in someone else's bed in FF.

The further west I go, the more skittish the animals become. Somehow, my character thinks this is a good thing - yeah, the same character who thinks the gods speak to him in dreams, names his sword ('Telessa') and kills people who own the beds he sleeps in, like some kind of evil Goldilocks-bear.

I see off some wolves with a fire spell and swordplay (sorry, 'Telessaplay') then it's nearly night again. I don't like the look of any of the caves, so press on throught the night, offsetting the two stamina point-loss with a large eight stamina-point breakfast. Just then, an unearthly wail spread across the land, accompanied by a strong gust of wind - but, according to the text: "fortunately you were breathing out, so none of the blast entered your lungs." Wow, this is going to be easier than I thought - a sorcerous gust of wind passes so quickly and weakly, I'm unaware of it cause I happened to breathe out at that exact moment.

Heading into the evil forest, apparently I can no longer use spells - wow, I only got to use one the entire book, and it was to scare a wolf. I'm feeling distinctly underwhelmed by the use of magic in PoF, but what the hell. I'm sure if I'd headed east or south to begin with, the complete wrong direction, I'd be using it loads. And wasting my time - though I'm sure they wouldn't have had such a 50/50 decision so early on!

I follow a trail leading to holly bushes, which I climb under. As I'm coming out the other side, someone stands on my neck and tells me to lose the sword. Hmmm. I do so, and he lets me up - an insane barbarian. Apparently I can tell he's insane because he is so unkempt and dirty, but has a perfect, immaculately carved double-headed axe. Maybe he's just got Aspergers? I suppose that didn't really exist in the '80s. We go to his hut and sit down. I tell him who I am, and he laughs. Fuck this I think. I grab my sword. kill him, drink my potion and look around. Nothing to take, except his axe. Maybe it's magic? Who knows.

I head further west, and am circled by six Dark Elves. Shit. I try to make a break for it, but they attack - a new one every four attack rounds... somehow, and my dice aren't usually this kind, but I survive it... with four stamina points left... lucky, lucky rolls. But a fucking mean fight to stick in the middle of this adventure! I assume it's avoidable somehow, but jebus.

I come across the tunnel to the underground, which is a good sign. I feel like I'm actually doing quite well for once! Now this is where the book really does something quite innovative and cool. You're able to switch between the dream world and the real world at will by subtracting/adding numbers to the paragraph you're on, and continuing on wherever it takes you. It works too, at least the part of it I got to experience.

A Sphinx tries to trick me, but I'm no fool. I head down the correct path and see a troll fighting an orc. Once they're done, the troll comes for me... and I come out of it with a single stamina point.

Hmmm... to the dream world! Alright! A way to complete this adventure with only a single stamina point. But...

My body in real life wanders into a narrow passage, and the large axe I pinched off the crazy guy hits the sides, alerting the denizens to my presence... and I'm killed with a volley of crossbow shots, invisible or now.

All in all, a good read. The dream elements were implemented really well, perhaps at the expense of the magic side of things a bit. The fights seem a little unfair - the odds are stacked against you with random dice rolls - but that's what dream are like, right?

I can't imagine what I would've thought had I gone east or south to begin with though! The freedom seemed well done, the way I went at least. Recommended. If you go west or north.

#27 - Star Strider

Star Strider is that rare thing in the FF universe - a book set on Earth. It's Earth somewhat far into the future, but Earth nonetheless.There's Madrid, 'Roma', Paris and London... but I only found this out from a map, not from experience.

Another difficult entry, Star Strider finds you, a bounty hunter of some sort, on a mission to save the Galactic President, who's been kidnapped by the Gromulan race and hid on the backwater planet of Earth.

Right off the bat Iknow this isn't going to be any normal FF book - the instructions are slightly rewritten to be more like a mission briefing - I'm even given the option to not accept the mission before the book proper even begins - but there's a flaw. Nowhere is it mentioned your scores can never exceed their initial levels. I thought this an error till in the very second paragraph I read I ate some 'food cubes' and gained a stamina point, without the chance to have lost any. The future rules!

Apart from the kidnapping and all that.

So once on Earth, I'm on the way to Madrid when some Gromulans realise I'm a rogue tracer ( the fancy future term for bounty hunter). Surprisingly enough, they let me go. Once in Madrid, I ignore the suspicious looking android (some are agents for us, others have turned to the dark side) instead try to capture some local houlgans/hooligans. The one I capture is just a kid, and takes me to their gang - who hate the Gromulans too. They suggest trying one of two places - the Plaza de Toros, or the hacienda - the latter of which is more lightly defended, and probably host to New Order gigs, so I choose that one.

It might not be guarded by androids, but it's host to laser beams. Having watched the Mythbusters episode where they figure out how to escape detection by burglar alarms, the dice roll me lucky and I'm in. A butler robot accosts me but I deal to it quickly (by now I've got 31 stamina and am feeling quite invincible). A little comes out, and it seems I've destroyed the android she sent to get her a drink. Still, she wants to play - I suggest a game involving her family's ComTerm (like an internet access point), and she's keen.

Sweet! To get in though, there's a maths problem - a 'fill in the missing number and turn to that page' problem.

54 (12) 9
18 (?) 2

I worked it out in some backward-assed manner, and was faced with a much easier problem. Who blocks off their internet with maths problems, anyway?!

Anyway, onto Roma, I find a member of the underworld there who apparently has some info. unfortunately, he won't even talk to me until I've won a round of Russian Roulette, which I lose. Grrr.

It was a frustrating way to lose, as I was quite enjoying Star Strider. It strikes a nice balance between feeling open-ended but still with enough purpose and drive - the continually leaving bus/train/subway thing keeps you moving along, as does the time limiton your mission - 48 hours.

I didn't get the impression, at least this far in, it was too random, and it felt like an intelligent romp. Perhaps a little too heavy on the backstory/info, but intriguing nonetheless.

#26 - Crypt of the Sorcerer

I'm finding it hard to believe I was once five from 15 in completing these books - and after a rather sudden end to Crypt of the Sorcerer, which I was really enjoying, I'm still at five... from 26.

Damn.

Anyway, CotS is kind of a cross between Star Wars and the King Arthur legend; there's a powerful sorcerer (duh) spreading his influence and control over the land, using the 'dark' arts... and the only thing that can kill him is his old sword, currently being held by a former enemy who'll willingly give it up to anyone who can find him. He doesn't make it easy though, hiding in a secluded lake, sailing about.

It's obvious my mission is to kill the sorcerer, so the first thing I do is visit ye olde wizard Yaztromo, he of Forest of Doom and Temple of Terror. In CotS, he plays a Yoda analogue - the wise, grumpy old fuck who gets everyone else to do what he can't, being too old and all.

Turns out the lake with the sword is to the east, which is also the direction from the which the darkness (figuratively, and literally - the overcast skies are annoying Yodatromo) is spreading. Slightly annoyed at having to partake in the farcical aquatic ceremony of retrieving a magic sword from a watery skeleton, I decided to follow the river, and was almost killed by Harpoon Flies. Yaztromo's potion quelled the poison's effects.

I came across a cave, and knowing I'd need lots of amulets and things to defeat the evil sorcerer because a) Yaztromo told me, and b) this is an Ian Livingstone book, I decided to investigate. I came across a metal box, which unleashed two creatures called 'Rad Hulks'. Not green, but Rad. Hmmm.

Dispatching them eventually, after a run of four consecutive tied attack rounds, I then came across a wooden box. I figure a wooden box wouldn't be able to hold creatures as strong as Rad Hulks, and was rewarded for my wonky logic with chainmail. Sweet. My character decides on his own he doesn't need the plate armour, for some reason (but this being a Livingstone book, probably wisely).

Next stop is a smoking village, where a dying dward bequeaths me his barrel, in which I find gold, a knife and a crystal on a chain - a crystal of sanity! Something I could have done with in past adventures, no doubt. I remember back in the day (in my case, the early 1990s) when I'd use characters 12/24/12 and re-roll bad rolls, I'd re-use characters from one book in another - keeping any iron keys, gold pieces and so on from quest to quest. It made no logical consistent sense, but sure as hell made it easier. Cause you know, it was so hard with re-rolling and perfect stats already...

Anyway, I digress. I killed some chameleons, dabbed their blood on my skin in order to gain their camouflage skills - it's not made apparent in the text whether this only applies to the parts of my body I daubed it on, like sunscreen, or everywhere - though for laughs' sake, I hope it's the former.

Next up I came across a boneyard, which is one of those 'only in FF' things. Though I did once live in a student flat with a cat who had a stash of dead creatures behind the couch. The 'Bonekeeper' needed a new knife for carving his 'magic' rings, so I gave him the one I had in exchange for a ring that warded off werewolves. At least, that's what he said.

So far, so good. I'm feeling like I'm doing well, making good progress. I've had lucky rolls, I'm collecting a lot of gear, and I'm coming across fortuitious poems such as: 'To go beyond a granite door, press the numbers one, eight, four,' inscribed into boulders. Think about this. Someone went to the trouble of composing and carving a rhyming couplet into a random boulder about a particular granite door in some place not even I, on a quest where I'm likely to need to go through a granite door at some point, know. It's the FF equivalent of the modern, I don't know, reading a random article on Czechoslovakian economics then there being a question on it at that night's pub quiz. Or something. Either way, it's a slow golf clap for Livingstone here, surely.

But I was never to find out, as a wood demon - some kind of evil Ent - grabbed me, I failed a roll, and as I'd dropped my sword (where was my skill roll for that?!) reached for my knife... which I'd swapped for a bone ring, so I was crushed to death.

Damn.

I was actually really enojying CotS, others say it's quite difficult though - I never got that impression, but sure I would have eventually. I'm going to assume you don't need the werewolf ring, for one, though.

I'd recommend it, for sure, but if it really is as hard as others say, it could get frustrating over a few reads.

My copy is the same as the pic above, excpet with a '26' in a yellow circle in the top right, and a message in pen inside the front cover - 'To Tony, with love from Anne & Bob.' I suppose I can't say for certain the copy pictured above doesn't also have this dedication, but what are the chances?

Probably greater than finding a random boulder with the pin number to a random door, that's for sure!

#25 - Beneath Nightmare Castle

I don't really have any memories of Beneath Nightmare Castle - when a single FF book cost as much, if not more than I earnt a week it was inevitable I'd miss some. The horror genre isn't particularly up my alley either, so I wasn't sure what to expect here.

But I sure as hell didn't expect to die four pages in!

I rolled 7/20/7, and willpower 12, which didn't bode too well. Basically, I'd suck in a fight, but would persevere anyway, never a good combination.

In BNC, you're back in town to see an old friend, Baron Tholdur, but something's gone horribly wrong - the town seems oddly quiet, and your old friend is under the control of a powerful wizard, or something. I never did work out what exactly was going on.

This is partly down to the fact there's no picture for the first entry, nor the introduction. It's straight into the story, what little story there seems to be so far. Not surprised though - the artwork throughout is pretty poor, though I've read elsewhere some of it was taken out prior to publication. If it was anything like the art that made it through, I've no idea why. It's pretty lame.

So a guy cuts me free and buggers off, so I decide to check out where I am - and am captured, bludgeoned unconscious, and tortured - without loss of stamina, which I think is weird, until I'm told I'm dead. The same thing would have happened had I ignored the voice offering to cut me free. Damn.

Well within my restart boundaries, this time I high-tail it out of there at first chance. I can't bash the door down though, and have to fight no less than six swordsman. Come on! Not only have there already been two or three oppurtunities for instant death, but I have to fight six dudes, armed only with a skill of seven? And I can't even use my full complement of stamina - if they get me down to two, it's all over. Seriously?

Only a lucky succession of dice rolls keeps me alive, and my character decides it's time for a drink, and wanders off to a tavern for rest. Err, I've played enough FF books now to know going to a tavern is not usually a good idea when you're low on stamina, but I've no choice it seems.

The tavern owner is a mate of our old friend Tholdur, and tells me to hunt down the town's oldest man, Huw, for advice. I do, but not before coming across a 'crate of limbs' that seriously threatens my willpower.

The old guy, whom I have to assume is Welsh going by his name, isn't a lot of help. He asks for the ring Tholdur gave me, I hand it over, he makes me do a simple test and lifts my initial willpower and stamina by a point. Hmmm. Skill and luck, now that would have been useful!

Anyway, I follow his directions into the keep, kill an ogre, he shows me his secret passageway down, I take it, and am captured again. This time however, I'm taken straight to the Baron, who doesn't remember me. Hmmm. After killing and escaping from my captor, I trip and fall into some kind of slime thing, which eats me. Hmmm.

I don't know about this one. Everything was a bit vague, but not in the Creature of Havoc kind of way; it always seemed like a wrong move would end in instant death, which made it hard to get too involved in the story. The cover and art didn't inspire me, and the writing seemed a little bland.

Or maybe I'm just not a fan of the genre Beneath Nightmare Castle falls into. Others have rated it highly.

#24 - Creature of Havoc

Looking at the adventure sheet, you'd think Creature of Havoc, another adventure from Steve Jackson #1, is a simple, classic romp through Allansia - you'd be quite wrong, as I was.

The first sign this isn't any ordinary FF adventure is the 20-page introduction; if you thought parts of The Phantom Menace were interminable, you ain't read nothing yet. The frustration of having to read The Hobbit before you can launch into the Lord of the Rings is capped off with the phrase, on the 20th page: 'Much of what you have read will be of little help to you...' Well, fuck you too, Steve #1. I've already used up half the time I've allocated to playing this book reading an intro which is mostly useless. Save it for the novels!

Anyway, in short you're some kind of beast, you're not really sure who or what you are, but you're probably the result of experiments that seem to have come right out of the new X Files flick (which by spooky coincendence, I saw earlier today - highly recommended). You can kill enemies with a single blow, provided you roll a double, which is pretty awesome.

So despite the long, expansive (yeah, that's what we'll call it) intro, I start the adventure wandering in some kind of dark corridoors, soon finding an injured dwarf. Trying to wake him up, I crush him to death... oops. I see. I don't know my own strength. He's carrying a piece of leather hide, with writing I can't read, which my character decides on his own is useful, and some shiny, round pieces of metal, which aren't. Apart from character development and immersion into the world of Creature of Havoc, I'm not sure why I'd find a piece of leather interesting and coins not so... but alright, I'm playing along.

But any goodwill I might have towards the book is ruined over the next quarter of an hour, during which every single move is decided either by the book or dice rolls. Not just tests of luck or or skill, which would still be random but keep the game part of the book individual to each player to a small degree, but things like 'roll 1-3, you go west; roll 4-6, you go east'. Throw in a few fights, and already we're three-quarters of an hour into starting Creature of Havoc and we've made but a single decision as to the fate of our character.

At some point, suddenly I'm able to choose where I go - but it's still all random decisions of east/west, open/don't open, etc. I look at a parchment written in what sounds like a mixture of Tolkien Elven and Welsh, get cursed by a zombie, find an orb.

Ah, the orb. It speaks to me, and I'm beginning to think I can read this: 'Did you think you could theif the orb of Zharradan Marr?' The rest of it's a little harder to decipher, so I leave... the orb seems evil.

The next place I randomly wander into burns me to death. Yep, that about sums up the book.

So, there are promising flashes in Creature of Havoc - the fact I think I could actually start to read the Elven/Welsh, the slow shift towards being able to actually choose what my character could do, and I assume that intro is useful for something. Surely!

The book also has more than the usual 400 pages, so perhaps Steve was going for something a little deeper than the usual hack-n-slash or was looking for a different way to expand an adventure than the usual extra-rules method. It seems like one with depth that perhaps I didn't get to encounter; perhaps I was a little harsh on Steve #1 earlier.

So much like the previous book I covered, if you've got the time, Creature of Havoc might just be one of the better FF gamebooks, but as a once-off, it's frustrating and random.

If you're wondering why I skipped book #23, it's because I don't have it. Anyone care to expensively lend a copy to someone (probably) on the other side of the world?

#22 - Robot Commando

When I picked up Robot Commando, I got ridiculously excited - just look at that cover! It's a dinosaur biting what looks like a Transformer, and the title combines the best of what I loved as an '80s kid - robots and Commando. Oh, and I was obsessed with dinosaurs. Completely bonkers.

So I was pretty thrilled to realise that unlike some other FF books, the cover showed exactly what was inside - actually, it failed to mention that not only are there robots fighting dinosaurs in a Schwarzenagger-esque one-man mission to save the world, but you actually wear the robot. (It was a toss-up between that and The Simpsons for that link...)

Basically, your planet has been invaded by an alien race, and they've put everyone to sleep - except you, somehow. It's your job to defeat the invading army, singlehandedly, whilst avoiding being killed by the dinosaurs that roam the planet you call home.

Truly awesome.

So, I rolled 11/18/9, grabbed a standard 'cowboy' model robot and beelined for the City of Knowledge - figuring I'd need to know what I'd need before hitting up the City of Industry. On the way to the CoK, I killed a pteranodon, and soon came across a digger, apparently a potential replacement for my current robot. Well, we have diggers on Earth, and they're nowhere near as exciting as wearable cowboy robots.

Once at the CoK, I went to the interestingly named 'War College'. We don't have those on Earth, at least not in this part of the world, and it sounded useful. We're at war, and I'm wearing a giant robot, remember.

I was soon attacked by a Karossean (the bad guys), whom I defeated... I went to check out his remains, when he self-destructed and destroyed my robot... which without, I was quickly dispatched by the other Karosseans.

Hmmm. I counted this within the 'restart' boundary, and err, restarted. With the same rolls, as I was pretty happy with those.

So, I quickly made it back to the same spot, killed him, and continued onto the War College. The Karosseans were closing in, and I only had time to read one book - I chose the one called 'Emergency Procedures', considering I was in an emergency, and it was useless. Damn. I escaped, jumping into one of their robots - the Starscream model, I suppose - and escaped.

I went to the Medical College, and made a potion - the antidote to the sleeping virus! I could only make one litre, and it was so volatile it could only be used once. Hmmm. Somehow knowing this jar would still be usefel, I took it with me. There were weird noises, so I bolted.

Next up was the museum, and I went to the Karossean cultural display, to learn about these assholes. I found a dead one, stole his uniform - I assume we fit their clothes? - and soon realised they'd been messing about with the T-Rex exhibit. Hmmm.. must be time to bail this place too!

Onto the dinosaur preserve. I didn't find anything in the admin department (Yeah, I found a freakin' dinosaur preserve, and the first thing I did was check out the freakin' admin dept), but in the barn was a super cowboy robot. If there's one thing better than a cowboy robot or a wearable Starscream, it's something prefixed 'super'.

The dino reserve itself contained vicious Triceratops, plural (however you do it), so I left there. One thing the super cowboy robot couldn't do was fly, damnit. It was one of those times I felt like something was just out of reach due to an idiot ('wow, it has 'super' in the name') decision earlier on.

Next up I travelled to the City of Industry, and it was significantly more boring than the City of Knowledge, much to my surprise. I got my robot touched up a but, got hit on the head by a falling book, and found an ape who did my robot some further fixing.

Okay, no rocket add-ons or super heavy-duty robots? Anyway, onto the City of Pleasure, something to alleive the dull monotony of industry.

Once there, being the geek I am I went straight to the arcade, and a game called Wasp Fighter, which proved that playing games is good for you - my skill against robots increased by one. Bouyed, I played Dinosaur Hunter next, which was fun, then 'Zap the Karossean'. This one was broken, and zapped me back.

Onto the City of Jungles, where I found a serpent robot.

If this entry's getting a little dull, it's because around here the book did for me too. It started so damn well, and I'm not sure exactly what wrong. I think a little freedom is great in FF books, but perhaps this one went a little too far - I was eventually killed in the Capitol City, after being asked for the return call by some Karosseans, and failing. It was a pretty dull end to an adventure that opened so excitingly, but got far too open and wide far too quickly, without a focus or clue as to just how defeating the invaders would be achieved.

I think this book has the real potential to be a classic, for someone willing to buckle down and nut it out - but for a casual stroll, it's too open. It's obvious there's a huge amount to do, places to go, choices to make and paths to follow - and for this, Steve Jackson #2 has to be applauded.

So if you're just in the mood to have a romp through a land full of robot-wearing commandos and loose dinosaurs (to be honest, who is never in the mood for that?!), Robot Commando is perfect. If you're in the mood for a deep, open and mysterious FF adventure, ditto.

But if focus and a linear plot is what you're after, or perhaps a quick read, go elsewhere.

Perhaps tonight, I was just in the mood for something quicker! Any way you look at it, I'm on a bad run at the moment... and I won't be passing Masks of Mayhem, #23, as it's the first gap in my collection, and hasn't been republished in the current series. I picked up Legend of Zagor the other day from Borders, though I'm several months from visiting that one at the moment.

So: all in all, Robot Commando is good if you have the time and patience to give it a decent shot; and a robot made of whatever the Terminator is.

#21 - Trial Of Champions

Unlike others, I wouldn't call Trial Of Champions a sequel to Deathtrap Dungeon - it's not as if you're playing the same character with the same motivations or anything. This is probably just as well, as I doubt a corpse would get very far.

This time around you're a slave belonging to the maze owner's brother, Lord Carnass, and he wants a strong contender to represent him in the competition, to stick it to his bro', as all brothers do. Apparently someone won it the year before (not me, mind you) so Baron Sukumvit redesigned the competition from scratch to make it more evil.

Carnass has 42 slaves, but can only send one for some reason, so puts us all through challenges - not like a trial, to be honest, as the losers are put to death, if they're not dead already.

Sounds a little complex and two-parted, huh? Well, that's nothing compared to the adventure sheet. Just skill, stamina, luck, some boxes for fights, and one for equipment/notes. No food, magic, treasure, nothing. Sensing fisticuffs would feature heavily, without even a mention of weaponry in the intro I was glad to roll 12 skill, 21 stamina and 11 luck. Though, somewhat ironically, these high rolls would result in my eventual downfall.

I survived the first test - running on hot coals with a sack of rocks on my back, thanks to a technique I developed long ago while at high school - the slower you run, the less energy you lose. Next up, I had a choice of going into battle with either a sword and shield, or a net and trident. When faced with such a choice, always choose the quirky gear, 'cause you're bound to be facing an opponent whose weaknesses match, and this was no different.

What did amuse me was the name of the creature - Bonecrusher. I had a snail by that name when I was a little one.

Anyway, the next challenge was dodging spinning blades, and a skill of 12 certainly came in handy here. So many times I was faced with challenges of skill, and every time I came out of feeling like I must've been wearing my undies on the outside and a cape. Even a blindfolded fight with morning stars went my way without trouble, as did the final battle against the last other slave alive. Lord Carnuss really should've thought about how much money he was losing with each death!

So although I doubt the chances of making it through this part of the book were 1/42, I still felt pretty good, and even better so when a week of gorging and living in luxury restored my stamina to its initial level. I know in real life when I gorge and live luxuriously, the opposite happens.

Into the dungeon I went, second in line, but obviously whoever went in first was chicken - they didn't even open the door with the 'keep out' sign. I did, killed the hellhound, and found a gold ring. Sweet. I wasn't given the option to wear it and lose skill points, so I figured it must be useful.

Next up I found a bunch of spears hanging from the ceiling, so took one. No, it didn't seem scary at all, for some reason. So far so fail, Sukumvit, I was thinking, till a random crossbow bolt took a skill point off me. Damn you, Livingstone! Yep, when things are going well, it's Sukumvit's fault, when they go badly, it's Livingstone's.

Next up I found some orcs having a dagger-throwing contest, which was unlucky, as I was a much bigger target than the rat they were using before. Oddly, the dagger I had to rip from my arm only did 2 stamina damage; I assume it hit my muscly arm, while the crossbow bolt hit that arm of mine which is directly attached to my heart, or something.

Killed them, took the breastplate, got my skill point back and eventually came across a little mischevious-looking dude in a glass bowl. I should've guessed, but he was a thief and stole my pouch, where I was keeping my gold ring. Bastard! Oddly enough, later on I came across a bell, rang it, and a dove delivered me a gold ring (once again, not one I had the option of wearing); so I figure owning a gold ring must've been important at some point in the book, not that I got to find out.

As if to balance the universe, I then randomly, without much effort stumbled across a magic sword. Now, no indication was given in the text how I knew it was a magic sword - no mention was made of lightning bolts firing out the end or an eerie glow, and I didn't get any increase in skill. What a lame magic sword.

It was even lamer when I came up against a 'Skeleton King' (what, the skeleton king? Weren't the skeleton serfs annoyed their king was living in an amusement park? A deadly amusement park, but one nonetheless?) and I was told that unless I had a hammer, I'd do only one point of damage with each hit. What, a hammer can do two, but a magic fucking sword can only do one? Eh?!

Anyway, before that encounter I did come across a couple of his subjects lounging about, posing riddles. One pointed to the other, and said: "Brothers and sisters I have none, but this man's father is my father's son." I know this is an ages-old riddle, and I should've known the answer right off, but I've been looking at family trees regularly while playing my newly-acquired Medieval II: Total War, and got a little confused, 'cause 'sister' wasn't an option. Eventually my graph (yeah, I know it shouldn't have taken this much thinking) showed me the answer, and I got an iron key for my troubles.

Alright, it's a planned maze, I figure the placement of probably essential items in artificialy situations is probably fair, this time!

So eventually I come across Buddha, except he's masquerading under the name 'Trialmaster'. I beat his caveman in tug-of-war, solved his junior school maths problem and beat him in a bout of kendo. Once again, or perhaps even thrice, it helped having a skill level of 12.

Skipping past a fountain (too obvious, Livingstone, surely!) I defeated the aforementioned Skeleton King and killed a giant worm (I should have known better than to open a grill on the floor, I mean, really...). Still, given the option to check out its lair, I was game. I found a sheet of paper in a bottle with the sentence: "There is a door behind the pile of stones." Strangely, the text told me this made no sense. Odd, cause I know what door means, I know what behind means, I know what stones are, and I've already proved I can do maths and solve riddles - I'm not just an idiot slave, damnit!

It wasn't long before I found the pile of rocks, and the door was right there, behind it, mentioned in the same damn paragraph. Some help, condescending previous location!

I wandered in and found an elf being eaten by a giant tongue. This was the first contact I'd had with another contestant - unlike Deathtrap Dungeon, this was a pretty solitary adventure. Maybe it was written as such, and when it didn't fill 400 pages, the trial was added? Or maybe the trial bloated, so the trip inside the dungeon was simplified? I mean, so far it seemed the only essential thing I'd need would be a gold key! And some brains...

Anyway, I went through the mouth where the tongue was, and heard some music. I slap my forehead now, but being a music geek, I decided to check it out - apparently it was real good! Yeah, I temporarily forgot I was the FF world. It was a siren.

And here's where having a skill of 12 paid off badly! I was heading towards her when a tentacle or something grabbed my leg, pulling me under. I rolled equal to or lower than my skill level, of course, throwing it off and continuing onwards toward doom.

If only I'd rolled a 13 or something, damnit! I had a quick viddy and saw that failing would've saved me, most likely. Dang. I have to say, well played Livingstone. Nice twist.

I think perhaps although Deathtrap Dungeon was definitely better in atmosphere and structure, Trial Of Champions pips it for playability and style. It's easier - maybe not to finish, I can't say as I didn't complete either, but it didn't seem like there were too many die/pass 50/50s. I wouldn't know if I happened to choose the correct way each time though, of course. I also feel like it wouldn't take too many attempts to complete, with decent dice rolls, while Deathtrap seems very particular about what you do.

Overall, I'd say Deathtrap Dungeon was better, but Trial Of Champions more fun. It's like comparing Pinkerton to The Red Album - on any given day I'll chuck on the latter, but every now and then, but only when the time is right, I'll pull out the former and deal with the full-on version.

Or something...!?

My cover's the same as above, but has a '21' in a yellow oval in the top right. I'm not sure what this means, except to guess perhaps they were celebrating FF's 21st. Inside the front cover Crypt of the Sorcerer and Beneath Nightmare Castle are advertised, so I suppose it's a later printing?

Pretty good overall, but a few less 'you find a door - do you open it?' scenarious would've been better.

I'm only one book from my first missing one now, which is #23, Masks Of Mayhem.

#20 - Sword of the Samurai

It's pretty obvious from the title what Sword of the Samurai is going to be about, but for some reason I assumed it'd be Earth-based. Samurai seems a very specific area to me, not like the generic early-medieval settings of most books that has been used for many a fantasy setting.

But we'd be living in a pretty boring world if it weren't for Japan, and I suppose Allansia is the same!

You're a champion samurai tasked with retrieving the stolen 'Singing Sword' from Ikiru, who lives in the regretfully-named 'Pit of Demons'. The holder of the sword (excuse the pun) weilds extreme power, and as you've probably guessed, Ikiru's a bad guy. Who else would live in a place called 'Pit of Demons'?

Perhaps Ikiru's a good guy whom people just don't trust because he chooses to live in a place called 'Pit of Demons'. If it was known as, I don't know, 'The Valley of Fallen Angels' people wouldn't say so many bad things about him.

Anyway, I chose the skill of ni-to-kenjutsu, which is the skill of fighting with two swords at once. I chose it based on the cover (that's my cover, the one above), assuming at some point I'd have to face an undead samurai with two swords. I chose well - Sword of the Samurai is a hard, relentless non-stop barrage of battles, few of which are easy. I rolled 10-24-9, which was pretty good, but the ni-to-kenjutsu certainly came in handy. I went down to a single stamina point on more than occasion!

Heading off, I went west, planning to go through the 'Forest of Shadows'. Typical Allansian name I thought, kind of glad nothing was named in Japanese or I'd have no idea what I was in for. In this case, I was prepared for shadows, but came across a wingless dragon. More on that later.

First I came across a burning village, and being a samurai, figured I should probably do something. It would be the honourable thing to do, after all, and seeing as I had an honour score, I decided buggering off would only lead to the dark side.

A bandit fighting for the warlord Tientsen attacked me on the way there, it was a tough fight but I prevailed. Stamina was in short supply, so I sat to eat two meals. I wonder how many died while I was sitting around eating? It's not like the book punishes you though, so it didn't matter really. The village was in some kind of quantam state, you could say - the number of villagers raped and pillaged wouldn't change regardless of how long it took me to get there!

When I did though, I challenged each of the bandits to a one-on-one duel, not so much because it'd be honourable, but 'cause I didn't want to fight an entire brigade of bandits. It was a bluff, you could say, but they took it. I easily slayed three, the rest ran away, and the villagers caught one - Moichi - whose life I spared. He became my annoying sidekick, and much to his dismay, I decided to raid his former master's castle and avenge the village.

What was my original mission again? Meh! By now I was just looking to get as high an honour score as possible.

We lied our way past a bunch of guards, which were basically hairy, ugly and fat orcs but to keep in the spirit of the book were called shikome. According to Wikipedia, a shikome was a 'fierce and wild woman'. Maybe these guards were fiercer, wilder and more lesbian than others?

Anyway, they led us into the castle, we slayed them, but Moichi was wounded. We then found Tientsen, killed his bodyguards and then him, and Moichi got wounded again. I decided to eat some more food, but didn't give Moichi any - I would have, but the book didn't say how. That must have been an awkward moment.

I slipped on Tientsen's armour, which was described to me as being far 'superior' to my previous armour, but it's not like the book gave me a bonus at all. I might've been stingy not giving Moichi any food, but I wasn't the only one!

Next thing we know, we meet a forty-foot centipede, which I assume must've been common in medieval Japan...? It bit off Moichi's arm, and no amount of food was going to fix that, so I felt justified (but not exactly honourable) in not giving him any. If he needed food that badly, he should have bought his own.

After killing the centipede, I found a few objects - a helmet, some liquid and a fan. The fan was pretty and harmless, and the liqiud restored my stamina like a Red Bull. I figured in a bunch of items like this, there's always going to be one bad thing, and my fighting was pretty solid, so left the helmet.

So! Onto the Forest of Shadows, finally. To be honest, the rest of the book went so quickly I would've felt ripped off had I paid $20 for this back in the day and not gone to Tientsen's castle.

In the forest, I was approached by the aforementioned wingless dragon, and asked to solve the following riddle:

In marble halls as white as milk,

Lined with skin as soft as silk,

Within a fountain crystal clear

A golden apple doth appear.

No doors are there to this stronghold,

Yet thieves break in and steal the gold.

Now, according to americanheritage.com (what the hell is an American riddle doing in a Japanese-style fantasy world?) the answer to the riddle is 'egg'. Which is weird, because that's not the answer I guessesd, which was 'pearl', but adding up the numbers (A=1, B=2, etc) I turned to a page where the wingless dragon congratulated me on my success. I'm as confused as you are.

Anyway, wandering on I fought an undead samurai (well, what do you know), then was besieged by six skeletons, but I was able to position myself so I'd only have to fight three at a time. I love how in FF whenever you're attacked by a large group, it's always in a narrow hall, or a corner, or a doorway, so you only have to fight one at a time, or at least less than the entire group. On this occasion, I was on a narrow bridge, and only had to fight three at a time. Strangely enough, they came in two groups of three - so the second three waited for me to dispatch the previous gang, instead of replacing them as they went. How kind.

Still, down to one stamina point I decided to camp out amongst the bones and eat four meals. I assume in medieval fantasy parallel Japan all food comes in some kind of astronaut form.

Next up I'm in space somehow, surrounded by doors and being challenged by something or someone called Dai-Oni. I have to challenge him and his creatures, but first I get to collect my own creatures, Pokemon-style, by going through different doors into parallel universes and collecting creatures through honour, skill, previous findings, etc etc. It all sounds incredibly stupid and fake, and it is in a way, but it works somehow. I end up with a winged lion (the dragon must be pretty dam jealous), the wingless dragon, a sabre-toothed tiger and the Golden Company, a troop of soldiers.

Onto the battle, Dai-Oni sends in a toad - I send in the tiger, and it wins easily. He sends in a giant mantis, which is easily defeated by my wingless dragon. At this rate, I'll be Pokemon champion, I mean defeat him no worries!

Next thing, the book asks me which I want to use next - which is weird, cause it seems to know exactly what I would have. Weird, I must've chosen the exact perfect path out of all the options. Nice. The Golden Company then kill his giant, Gargantus, and I go up against Dai-Oni - me SK10, ST11, him SK10, ST10. Lucky dice rolls get me past him relatively unscarred, and in his dying breath he grants me one wish.

Hmmm - reverting to my honourable ways, I, Darth Vader-style, ask him to join or assist me in my quest. He gives me two luck, which I didn't really need, and dies. Hmmm.

Onto Ikiru, who makes a similar offer to me - join him and rule, or die. I choose to die. Well, I didn't have much choice - my high honour prevented me from joining the dark side, and my low stamina prevented me from staying alive once we began fisticuffs.

Oh yeah, that, and the loss of 2 SK, 4 ST and 2 luck that immediately preceded the 'battle'. Talk about a crap way to end, it left a real sour taste coming this far only to be mortally crippled right before the final battle. I was out of food (would I be allowed to eat here?) and reduced to a single stamina point. Some ending.

Maybe if I knew the secret of the Singing Sword I wouldn't have ended so ingloriously - but a quick check reveals that there was a 1-in-3 chance of getting this info (I won't say where from) which is a bit tough, really. The pre-fight docking of points all but renders the final battle impossible considering what has come before it otherwise!

So, all-in-all, it wasn't too bad, if a little heavy on the fighting, dice-rolling side of things. I did like the inclusion of a riddle that required real-world smarts, even if I fluked a wrong answer that happened to add up, haha!

If you're wondering why I didn't post last weekend, it's cause I held a Star Wars ultramarathon for my birthday, so my entire Saturday (10am till just past midnight) was taken up with Star Wars. And yes, it was totally worth it.

#19 - Demons Of The Deep

Surprise! I'm early this week, 'cause I'm working a long week from Thursday, and have an early 'weekend' as a result. Yes, this is my Saturday night, early.

It seems as a consolation for what I'm about to go through, the FF gods have seen to give me a classic, old-school adventure with swords and shit - at least at first, that's what I think is happening.

It turns out otherwise. I'm a sailor banished to the bottom of the ocean after encountering a pirate ship, and have to find Black pearls in order to survive. Right away, I'm thinking exactly what you're thinking: who has plagiarised who? Quickly enough though my thoughts turn to survival, seeing as I'm pretty much drowning.

The old-school introduction (minus any potion references) and resolutely old-school adventure sheet (with a box for potions) led me to believe this would be a classic Allansian adventure! I even started with a 'bare minimum of equipment' and enough provisions for ten meals. BUT, it turns out Atlantis, yes, THE Atlantis, isn't far offshore from Port Blacksand (someone tell the scientists!). Getting there involves the growing of gills, conveniently provided by some kind of coral pentagram, which the book takes no time in offering me leave from. Err, no thanks. The pentagram gave me life, I'll stay here.

I soon meet a mermaid, who apart from being hot tells me that come midnight, my gills will figuratively turn into the proverbial pumpkins, and nor can I go to the surface to breathe air, cause that'll kill my gills which are totally needed underwater, apparently. Just why I need to be underwater has something to do with finding the aforementioned Black pearls which are needed to defeat the damn dirty pirates who threw me down here, for some reason... There's not really a great deal of motivation given... why can't I just count my blessings and go back to hanging out amongst the low-lifes of Port Blacksand?

So, in searching the underwater, I first go to the dome with a broken roof, where I search all the seats, finding only sea snakes. All the seats? How many did this arena seat? In the centre though there's a harpoon, which sounds like a mighty fine item to have under the sea! I'm not aware of a sack or belt, but I'm able to whack it on myself regardless.

Passing a sandy beach-like area, still underwater (wow, global warming, this book was written in 1986, what are you doing here?) I recovered the skeleton of a ghost and in the process earned an extra skill point and, wait for it... one gold piece. I figure inflation was pretty bad in the time of pirates, Atlantis and genies.

A bit later on, I came across a trapdoor. This being a blog about what you can find in FF gamebooks, if nothing else and for no other reason, I opened it. When asked to test my luck, I had a foreboding feeling this was one of them times where an unlucky roll would be death. I never found out, as another lucky roll swept me down to a dolphin. A shark attacked us, and apparently the dolphin said, 'Look out! A shark!' (Maybe NSFW). Mmhmm. What followed was perhaps the easiest fight in any FF gamebook ever, with the two of us ganging up on an innocent creature that had a lower skill level than not only I (11) but the dolphin. Hmm.

The dolphin tells me his name Keeekweeet (only in fantasy, or an African tribal village will you ever encounter a name with two almost-consecutive sets of triple vowels) and he'll come in handy later in the book when I'm given a list of places I've never heard of and his offer to take me to one.

Time passes, I'm in a merman games room, where I'm offered the chance to gamble any number of Black pearls or gold pieces at even odds, which would be awesome if I had more than a single gold piece. My super-sleuthness had led me to believe I'd probably be needing some of these dang Black pearls before the jig was up, when the shit hit the famn etc, and the fact I had none, with the chance to win none-squared-to-the-nth-degree was highly frustrating.

Not even successful thrashing of a fish-guy (not a merman, apparently), a thing with a stamina of 30 and several octopi is enough. In the end, I'm given the option of going to the surface and taking on the pirates with my sword - to be honest, I'd kinda forgotten about the pirates at this stage. If it was me, I'd be pretty damn pleased just to get out of the ocean and back to the city of thieves and shiat. Instead, I hold this grudge against the pirates who graciously let me live at the outset, and try to kill their entire crew singlehandedly.

This is massive fail, of course. They killed my entire crew last time, what makes me think I could win this time, on my own? The lack of knowhow when it comes to summoning anti-pirate armies with Black pearls? I'm not even given a face-saving option of 'Do you chicken out and just go back to Blacksand to live out your days as a low-life?'

Instead, I die.

Anyway, not really that satisfying, though apparently written by one of the Steves. It might've used the classic rules for the most part, but felt kinda boring and uninspired; I never felt in too much danger, but also felt like a lot of the time I was just swimming about not really getting anywhere. But damn, the Kraken? 30 Stamina? Lucky I had 13 skill at the time! Yeah, one good thing - your dice rolls weren't permanent, which was pretty awesome. Lucky for me, mine only went up, after defeating a fish-dude at swordplay. So I suppose you need good rolls to get better... and I had 11/20/8.

My copy's the same as the one above. I'm only a few issues away from #23, Masks Of Mayhem, which I don't have yet. I picked up Legend of Zagor last week, as it's a part of the recent re-releases, but not due for play in my list just yet. I have to check if MoM is part of the new series and if the local Borders has it.

All in all, I felt Demons of the Deep to be a bit gimmicky without the distinction of being any different to the older classics, and a little contrived. It wasn't silly, it wasn't ridiculous, it was just a little blah. Lets hope Swords of the Samurai, as non-Allansian as it sounds, is a little better.

I took a look at some of the later books, in their reprinted versions at Borders and noticed something I'd completely forgotten - the later books have a totally different font. Awesome. But honestly, I remember, at least in my head, the ones with the cooler font being better: maybe in 20 or so books, taking away the ones I can't get a hold of, I'll be able to report on the truth of this.

Saturday off. See you all again in 10 days or so.

#18 - Rebel Planet

You know what I'm thinking, but I promised I wouldn't mention it anymore...

In book 18, Rebel Planet, you are humanity's last hope - to cut a long story, and long introduction to the book short, humans have been enslaved across their small ex-galactic empire of sorts (remember that phrase, I'll be coming back to it) by an alien race intent on ruling the galaxy, and you have to infiltrate their home planet and destroy the central computer which controls the aliens' hive mind.

The rebels (another phrase to come back to) are scattered and paranoid, rightly so having been infiltrated by the enemy, a race known as the Arcadians. They outlawed Esperanto across the former Earth empire, which is awesome for me, as I don't speak it.

Okay, I'll stop being obtuse with the references - you're a Jedi, basically, out to destroy the enemy's secret weapon, you have a 'laser sword' and martial arts knowledge, but without the mind tricks (that failed me in the last quest anyway). It's like Star Wars, but the introduction tries to play it down by saying there isn't much fighting - so it's Attack of the Clones, then? It lied, by the way, and even the back cover described the mission as 'foolhardy' - it's as if the copywriters weren't on the same page as the author.

Anyway, Rebel Planet is different to even the other space-based FF books; firstly, the main part of your mission - finding three parts to a code number - isn't dealt with in a 'hey, you made it this far, here's the conveniently-three-digit pass number, you'll need to add it/subtract if from the others and turn to that page to win' kind of way. You need to actually study pictures and poems and whatnot to get the numbers, which is cool in a way, even if the solutions might not be entirely logical.

Onto my adventure! After taking off, undercover as a merchant, I was approached by an enemy ship which I correctly guessed to be my escort. Actually, I initially decided screw it, I rolled 10/24/12, I'm gonna stand up to it, not run away! Turns out acting ballsy gets you places you wouldn't expect in Rebel Planet. Once on the first planet, I decided to lax at the hotel, not that I didn't get enough of that in Appointment With F.E.A.R, but hey. The receptionist there is asleep, and on trying to wake him, I discover he is dead. D'oh. After dispatching the guards who didn't hesitate to attack me, I picked up and pocketed a button with a picture of an eagle holding a scroll, cause you know, of the six items I'm allowed to carry at one time in this adventure, a button absolutely counted as one. I had a strange feeling perhaps this was where FF gamebooks stopped letting you carry any old thing without consequence, and knew it later on when at customs I was pulled up for having an infra red scanner - fortunately, I didn't also have a rope, so they didn't think it too suspicious. I'm not sure what you could build using a rope and an infra red scanner that would arouse suspicion, I'm not McGyver.

I soon find the bar, Fission Chips, though not before being distracted by a theatre playing a '20th century comedy' called Star Trek. I'm assuming it was Star Trek IV. This bar is where I'm meant to meet my contact, but instead some damn dirty humans ambushed me, and I quickly dispatched both with my knowledge of pressure points, killing them in a blow each. Awesome.

Anyway, I went back, got in simply by saying I was from Earth (I told you just being upfront and ballsy gets you places in this book). At the bar, I bought some 'alcoholic mouthwash' for 10 credits. In this book, if you can't ever afford to pay for something, your mission is over, according to the instructions; imagine if my quest ended because I couldn't afford alcoholic mouthwash. I'm sure there's a movie coming out soon which deals in similar subject matter I wouldn't mind seeing...

So I eventually made contact with the underground, where we each pussyfooted around each other, suspicious of course, but eventually I proved to them I was genuine by refusing to kill someone they asked me to - once again, standing up and standing proud.

Onto the next planet, and I have the choice of staying at swanky hotel the Zodiac, or a complete, cheap dive, Porky's. No-brainer, huh? Porky himself tells me half the buildings in the city were destroyed by the 'Street Fighter', which is used to break up student protests. I suspect there's a link between the student protests and the underground movement - why? Because the book gives me the option of going to the university. On my first visit, I get into a fight with some louts in the Arts faculty, grab some files, and get rejected by a bunch of science nerds (oh how I long for the medieval Allansia at this point). On the way back to Porky's I'm forced to fight the Street Fighter, which is some kind of giant ground-punching machine. Hmmm. It's a tough fight - this thing reduces your stamina more each attack round that passes by!

On getting back to Porky's, he's acting an asshole and wants to charge me to use his computer. Fuck it, I act ballsy again, but this time get into a fight. The poor, fat (why'd you think he's called Porky?) guy is no match for my awesomeness, and I get free access to his internets.

Turns out my contact is in the Arts faculty at uni, damn it! I was just there. I went back, he wasn't there, but apparently left a clue to three of the digits in the password on his desk - the picture provided conveniently included half the Roman numerals in existence, damn it! Then I was arrested, damn it!

And sentenced to death. Hmmmm. Perhaps this was the time to stop acting ballsy, and try and find a sneaky way out... They confiscated all my stuff, including my awesome eagle-holding-a-scroll button, but somehow missed my money belt - funny, cause I pictured that as a bum-bag, not something you could ever miss on anyone, really (wow, Wikipedia - are they really making a comeback?)

I spill to the guard, keeping back some of my info, and I'm sentenced to fight some monsters, instead of death. A slower death, if you will. The monsters aren't that hard though, so like a future Maximus I'm let go, and onto the next planet it is.

Here, I quickly find a couple of people, one of whom is the leader. Unfortunately, I don't have the password they are looking for, so they won't tell me the rest of the code, and my mission is over. No option to torture the jebus out of them, nothing. Grrr.

Okay, I'm not telling the whole truth here. Several times throughout Rebel Planet i was faced with 50/50 options, one of which resulted in instant death, increasingly so as the adventure developed. They were incredibly frustrating, and I ignored them for the most part, deciding it was not fair to reduce the chances of completing this book by 50% to 25% to 12.5% and so on, often within the range of two or three pages. If there's knowledge gained earlier in the book that can help you, for sure, but not rubbish like 'left door or right door? East or west? One or two?'

If the book wasn't so enjoyable, I probably wouldn't have bothered though! Rebel Planet, apart from the ridiculous number of instant deaths (at least on the path I travelled) at least seems really well thought out and engrossing. You can't rely on all aliens=bad, all humans=good; there are traitors amongst people and arty, liberal (south) Arcadians. The merchant cover is one often used in FF gamebooks, but here it works well - probably because the set up is so good, to be honest. Long, but it really sets the scene.

Once we're back in Allansia, I promise to start abiding by the instant death rules - even if a slight cheat here and there isn't helping me at all in space!

#17 - Appointment With F.E.A.R

My first thought on realising Appointment With F.E.A.R was tonight's book was, 'what, another sci-fi one?' Not that that's a bad thing, but I seriously didn't remember there being this many in the series - and that's the last time I'll say that, honest!

Turns out AWF has nothing to do with space and everything to do with Batman, Superman, Spiderman, you name it, if it was from Marvel or DC, it's in here somewhere in some form. At first I was suspicious, thinking it wasn't really going to work in the FF format, but I was wrong. Totally wrong. I really enjoyed this book.

You're a superhero called the Silver Crusader, at least your secret identity is, and you look after Titan City, in much the same way a certain Mr Kent (namechecked in the first paragraph as 'Clark St') looks after a certain imaginatively named metropolis. A group of super-villians are going to be meeting in Titan City in the near future, and it's your job to work out where and when, and arrest them all.

Being a superhero, you get to choose a superpower - I chose PSI Powers, which basically sounded like Jedi mind trick powers.

You wear a 'crimewatch' which allows the cops to alert you of anything they discover, or harass you with annoying side quests catching pickpockets and petty crims. Rolling an average 9/18/12 (if you don't know what those mean by now, start again) I figured I'd better be pretty direct. From the very start of the book though, I knew this wasn't going to be easy. Within five minutes I'd been in a street brawl, beenpushed into a pile of dog 'sidewalk deposits', learned of a gang with the comical (chemical?) name, the Alchemists and saved a family from a burning car.

I soon learned of a potential explosion at the chemistry labs of a nearby university, so decided to check it out. On the way, someone shouted they were being robbed; this town needed more than a single, lone superhero. Anyway, I got to the uni just in time to throw the almost-exploded concoction out the window, unfortunately onto a bunch of students outside. Oops. My hero points went into the negative, and a I briefly considered a career as an anti-hero, but realised the 440 paragraphs that make up AWF probably wouldn't allow for so much freedom!

But Steve Jackson did an excellent job of giving the book a sense of freedom regardless. There were always chances to directly investigate crime, go home and relax, or check out a range of more leisurely activities, some of which sounded completely out of place in a FF gamebook, and showed just how long ago this series was published: I went to check out a concert by Georgie Boy and the Vulture Club, only to find the gig cancelled due to the lead singer's facial dermatitis.

Another day I had the choice to go visit my grandma. Even I realised I had better things to do with my character's time, not to mention my own!

One day, late for work again, i decided to buy my boss a gift to say sorry, and went to the games section of a bookstore, planning (apparently) to buy him a Dungeons and Dragons set - nice to see Jackson had no rivalry with the better-known opposition! It was no game though (at least in-game (alright, enough with the meta and embedded brackets!)) when four fire men turned up - no, not the type in helmets carrying hoses, the type made of fire.

I was down to a single stamina point after that fight, and then the book told me I tied them up with a rope. Eh? Really? I didn't realise bookstores carried rope made of, um, fire-retardant... stuff. Anyway...

I turned down the chance to see Andrew Lloyd-Webber's production Rats, instead racing home, trying not to injure myself in the slightest - imagine how lame a superhero I'd be if I was killed by tripping over or something and losing my last stamina point.

So the next day I had the option of either attending the arrival of the president, or a trade show entitled 'Home Appliances of the Future'. Hmmm... I checked out the convoy, of course, and a guy tried to assassinate the president. I captured him, he got a shot off, but it turns out the pres was killed by someone else entirely - perhaps on a grassy knoll? The book doesn't say, haha.

Now, here is where something went kind of wrong. A clever part of AWF is the way Steve Jackson incorporated parts where you had to know certain information to know what page to turn to, without being given the options in the text - kind of like Warlock Of Firetop Mountain's keys, except there were several places in AWF where certain numbers were needed.

So I'm asked if I know the street and avenue numbers of the corner where the meeting is to take place, to add them together and go from there, as it's the day of the meeting. Alright, I had the definite avenue number, and a street number... wasn't sure if it was right, but when I turned to the page in question and it said, 'Your information was correct', I thought, yay! I captured the Alchemists, and thought, wow, I must be close... until I ended up back at my apartment, seemingly unconcerned I'd missed the meeting, and relaxed, planning not to be late for work the next day.

I'd read this paragraph already! It seems the avenue and street numbers I'd added up were used in a different situation entirely, it just seemed to slot in to where I was at the time.

So damn, I suppose I failed! Was enjoying it otherwise. Despite the apparent several different ways the book can go, as each superpower has a different ending, and the ingenuous way Jackson made the book almost uncheatable, the dated references and gimmicky, fun tone don't lend the book classic status. Without these though, it would have been a lot less fun! I suppose it's kind of like a candy FF book - enjoyable, clever, funny, but you can see through it and it's pretty flimsy really. Good though.

My cover is the one above: funny to think the image was also used on the new printings, as it's pretty of-its-time, really.

Last things: what's with the reference on paragraph 72 to the 'muscle bound gigolos'? Has the meaning of gigolos changed since 1985? And hey, I have some readers now, haha, wooo. I better keep up the quality!

#16 - Seas Of Blood

I've fond memories of Seas of Blood - none concrete, but something inside me went 'whoopee!' when I picked it up. I remember this year at high school, I think it was 1994, where I pretty much got fantasy/dungeons and dragons kind of stuff out of my system - in that year I borrowed from the school library a ridiculous amount of Terry Pratchett, the complete Lord of the Rings, and kinda wound up my thing with Fighting Fantasy too. The following year music, girls and being a proper teenager kicked in, you see.

But one of those last books I remember indulging in was Seas of Blood - you're a pirate, one of the best two in the land. Your infamy hasn't resulted in your arrest somehow, nor has it for your rival, Abdul, a turban-clad Middle Eastern-looking dude (it was the 1980s, I'll cut them some slack if you will). You agree to a contest to see just who is the best pirate - in 50 days you agree to meet a town down the coast, and whoever has the most gold wins.

I rolled some real high numbers for my crew, just as well since I figured there'd be a fair few fights in the next 50 days/45 minutes. Unfortunately, my skill and luck rolls were pitiful (hello Mr and Mrs seven), so I decided boat fights were okay, hand to hand, not so much.

We started off in Tak, described as 'the greatest den of thieves, criminals and cut-throats the civilised world has ever seen'. Hmm, how about that other greatest den, Blacksand? Or should the two cities I dunno, agree to meet in 50 days and see who has the most ill-gotten booty?

Anyway... knowing the strength of my crew I immediately set sail for a wealthy town nearby, Lagash. I dispatched a ship on the way, scoring for myself 68 gold, which is where I realised I'd no idea how much I'd need to complete this book. It makes it more realistic not knowing, I suppose, but was 68 gold a lot? Did I need 100? One million?

After trashing the ship, apparently I decided Lagash was too dangerous to attack. Err, I won this fight didn't I? What kind of pirate am I?

I hit the next locale, murdering a bunch of priests in the process, only to realise I was down to two crew points already - only 10 days and not even a quarter of the way down the coast. Hmmm. I knew there'd be fights, arrr, but nothing like this!

I collected a few slaves on my travels, hired a few extra crew, and eventually found myself assaulting Kish, which was defended by a Sith Orb. Err, I thought this was a while ago, in a land a decent distance away, not a long time ago in a galaxy far away... Some insanely lucky dice rolls (not my actual luck score, which was down to two) got me past it, but not the storm which trashed my boat on the way to Nippur. Some pirate - I survived being attacked by winged beasts, sword-weilding priests, and entire town militia and a tree (don't ask), but was drowned in a storm. Johnny Depp would be ashamed (you really didn't think this entry would be complete without a link to that, did you? Or how about this?).

My guess Seas of Blood would be full of fighting was correct, but so many of the rumbles just seemed like random dice rolling - it was one after the other, without much inspiration, it seemed. Another problem was that once you left port from Tak, there was no word, at least in my game, of what Abdul was up to. Previous books in the series, like Deathtrap Dungeon, at least tried to incorporate developing secondary character plots within the limiting confines of a FF book - Seas of Blood can be considered a missed opportunity, no doubt.

All in all, not as interesting as I remember, just a dice-roll book really. Disappointing. Though I bet if I'd won the bet, I'd be saying otherwise!